Entertainment affects our mood.
We know that, right?
So…. why don’t we watch and listen to things that don’t degrade us or bring us down?
I turned a movie on I’d never seen this morning, and it was a total downer. Sky is falling. Negative characters who cuss every other word, throwing around individuals who are dressed skimpy and forced by life to be a sex slave in order to make enough money to hate life and keep living. Large men beating up on everyone. The good guy is a loser who everyone hates and calls a freak. The atmosphere is gross and demeaning to every human being ever.
You know, that movie where you’re wondering… is this almost over yet? Is he going to find her yet? Can everyone just die yet?… You know that button the moron president kept almost pushing in that kid movie about aliens and monsters? Yeah, can SOMEONE please press that button in this universe? Just blow them all up.
Or you know that song that talks about people like they’re not… um…. people?
Or that tv show where nothing good ever happens to the main characters? It’s like drama and pain had a child and it came out with Godzilla size world domination plans. It’s all bitter and death and manipulation and DRAMA eaten by misery and vomited up into a trash can of nothing good is ever going to happen.
So why do we watch or listen to stuff like this?
I don’t know. There are too many reasons.
So, here’s something strange.
This morning I woke up in a bad mood. I got up later than I wanted to. I was grumpy. Agitated.
I didn’t want to be. I hate waking up in a bad mood. I actively try to get myself out of it.
I typically do.
Nothing worked this morning.
I hit that downhill slope and kept falling down it, chocolate bar in hand.
“HA HA! HAPPY FEELS, YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME NOW!!!!!” *hits NOS button*
I think I might have actually been on an airplane jet-propelled little red wagon, Hitler in the back singing “It’s a Small World After All” …
I searched around for a movie and found one that looked kinda good.
But it had a squicky mood to it.
You know what I mean.
You watch the trailer and you KNOW it’s not going to be a fun ride. It’s a crappy movie with a crappy half-baked theme and all the bad guys sweep the floor with all that’s decent in the world. Not to mention they win.
But I turned it on while I made and ate breakfast anyway.
Why turn it on when I’m already ready to take someone’s head off with the knife (hatchet) I’m using to get this freaking unripe avocado (green rock) open.
But I did.
I got almost an hour through.
*common sense fairy whispers for the thousandth time* Turn it off….
But I had to know what happened.
So, I did the same thing I do with books that are pushing my, “I’m thinking much too much on how Vlad the Impaler impaled people” button… I skimmed through and watched the end.
Even that sucked.
Why make a movie if it’s going to suck?
I mean it didn’t even have a good reason for sucking. No “message”. No “warning” about why we shouldn’t use science to unhuman humans. No tragic ending that sends a message about the purposes of human emotion. No big picture reasons why not to pick up random strangers covered in blood and carrying a knife the size of your thigh on the side of the road in the middle of the night while you have no phone reception and no one knows you left the country and you have no clue how to speak the foreign language.
None of that.
A 2-hour movie and I only watched it for about forty minutes.
I was real irked by then.
But something started to perk my interest.
As soon as I started skipping through it and then clicked out, I realized I was feeling a bit perkier.
We all know what we need to do at this point.
We find something to lighten our spirits. Something good. Like going from five donuts, a bucket of cookies, and eight toaster strudels, to ending the day praying to the porcelain gods. To eating a healthy but yummy breakfast the next day.
We all know what we need to do.
It’s what I knew I needed to do this morning.
I sought out something funny. Something lighthearted. Happy. Goofy even.
And I feel better.
But I’m left wondering something.
Why didn’t I start the morning out with the right vibe inducing entertainment? Instead of turning something annoying and defeatist on?
Is that what I needed in all actuality?
I have a paper to work on, studying to do, jogging to jog, yoga and stretching to do… You know, daily needs that must be met in order to do what I want to with my life.
But this morning I didn’t want to do any of it.
If I tried, I know I would’ve been frustrated and done a bad job.
I knew this.
So, I turned on the angering movie and sat my butt down with my breakfast, steadily getting more and more frustrated.
Why didn’t I turn on something positive????
That’s what’s mind-boggling for me at noon, with nothing to show for the day.
Did I need to get more irate? In order to get to this positive, motivated mood?
Is it that I wasn’t honestly feeling my irritation this morning but hiding from it, trying to switch it off somehow, and thusly not feeling it… making certain it wouldn’t go away but build until I paid attention to it?
Perhaps I did what deep down I knew I needed to do.
Get myself to feel the “ugh” sitting under the surface.
Even though I wanted to feel good. Motivated. Positive. Joyful. Peaceful. Like I could actually handle life.
Perhaps watching that crappy movie allowed me to feel crappy and realize !hey! I feel it and I don’t want to! Let’s make a decision to skip through this and move onto something else.
Perhaps I turned on that horrid movie because I knew I didn’t want to. Just like I didn’t want to feel on edge.
Maybe I used the movie to force myself to do what I knew I needed to do: feel it so I could get over it.
Which leaves me – in a good mood, positive, ready to go for a jog and then come back and tackle my day – wondering one more thing.
Do we ever really figure ourselves out?