Tag Archives: poem

Something Whispers

When I am empty

That is it.

But I always seem

To fill up

Once again

 

Just so you can

Poke holes in me

Poisonous words

Lashing into the

Soul you always

…what word goes here?

 

Shaped into something

Beyond

Recognition

 

Soft thumps

Abrade the inside

Of my rib cage

And something odd

Flitters through

My chest

 

It isn’t life

Its tubing

Left there from

When I hated myself

A little less

 

Electronic beeping

Reminding me

To pretend

I am human

Breathing

Alive

 

I am not

Not today

Not inside this skin

Which itches

And weakens

 

Not inside

This mind

That falls down

So easily

 

Sometimes it seems

So silly

That I ever thought

I could be real

 

To live with grace

To walk without oiled joints

Or charged lights

Behind my eyes

From which everything

Was stolen

 

(by me)

(something whispers)

 

I forgot

I was the one

Behind the mask

Wearing the gloves

Leaving no trace

 

Can anyone see me?

 

I forgot

I was the one

Who let this happen

Who roused from slumber

And did nothing

Who watched from behind

Serpent eyes

And let you die

 

Losing no sleep

Losing no hope

Because I never

Gave myself any

 

Not now

 

Can anyone hear me?

 

I don’t want to remember

The disjointed story

Of who I was

When I bled

 

…when was that?

Was it real?

 

I wonder

If it would hurt less

If I was never human at all

 

Simply a stain on the porcelain

Shadow

Slipping down the time

The sand

Shivering down the hourglass

 

Unnoticed

But watching

Examining

Remembering

The very definition of all

And yet so utterly devoid

 

Knowing all

Understanding none of it

But remembering

Remembering

 

I forgot

How to tell the truth

Or which it was

 

Can you feel me?

 

Not now…

 

I forgot

How to speak

Without a tongue

How to see

Without a spine

 

Can I walk

Knowing the many times

My very breath crawled

 

Is it possible

That I never really forgot

 

Why?

Why do we torture ourselves?

How many of us are there

In here?

This one little body

 

Pieces hiding

Shuffling about

Slipping behind curtains

Fixing smeared mascara

Redressing so no one notices

 

Their stories

Are shuttered up

Dust chokes the sunrises

Moonlight can’t hide

The shadows

 

Our stories

Not to be remembered

Not now…

 

I forgot

How the tip of a fingernail

Could hold so many

Dead skin cells

 

They aren’t all mine

 

(yes they are)

(something whispers)

 

And I deny everything

Black lipstick that doesn’t

Smudge

Or leave

Photos behind

 

Because I can’t remember

How to tell myself

The truth

Of it all

 

When I do

I wonder

Would it be better

To never have lived inside

This damaged structure

So stone like

Easily breakable

 

And no, I wasn’t

Made by accident

Why does everyone ask?

We all clamber around

Waiting for a story to be

Unfolded

It wasn’t an accident

We remember

I shake my head

We know

Our skin

My skin

We feel

 

It’s like they can see

I’m made from

Different coincidences

Kissing beneath the

Atom bomb

 

Waiting for something

To change

Or someone

To notice

The shadows

Etched into my bones.

 

(can anyone see me?)

(no, I don’t think I can)

(something whispers)

 

By Daphne Shadows

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fighting self

i had a dream

the other night

it helped me understand

part of who i am

 

i ran

i hurt

i now know why

 

when i woke up

i understood

why i hurt myself

with food

art

thoughts

with hate

with arrows i sharpen

aim for my heart

pulling my

skin from muscles

veins from around bones

yanking my soul free

casting it aside

like so little trash

 

i live in a dream state

understanding

trying to figure out

how to change

the truth

i now know

 

 

by Daphne Shadows

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I’m Not Done v.2

The Valley

Isn’t a place

You know

 

It is where

We live

Where we

Feel

Where we

know

 

 

Where we

Often

Decide

To

Deny

 

 

The light

Isn’t awaiting

Our creation

 

It exists

Within

Me

 

In

You

In

All

In

Us

 

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

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I’m Not Done v.1

The Valley

Isn’t a place

You know

 

It’s a

State

Of being

 

An

Awareness

 

The Darkness

Isn’t awaiting

The chance

To attack

 

Darkness

Lives inside

Me

 

In

You

In

All

In

Us

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

 

Kinda in reference to this Valley 

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Co-Existing

There’s a hard place inside me

Nothing cruel

Or cold.

A void

Where none can hurt me.

Not warmth

This is a solitary place.

These moments settle into me

With a velvety grace

Lace against bare skin.

Moments

Where I’m lost.

Not a haze

Nothing stings

Perhaps I do hurt

But I can’t find my way.

Life becomes

A thick paste

I do not understand.

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

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When I Leak

Does it matter? The endless mind numbing chatter. The inner dialogue running until you’re frozen.

I’m slowly falling apart. From the inside out.

Pieces are falling off.

I’m a shambling, bleeding mess. Shuffling towards something I don’t know.

Am I wrong, for trying to feel?

The blood just pours.

Am I wrong for wanting truth, for wanting the genuine article?

I want to let go of the pain. But it follows. Stalking me from the gallows.

 

There’s so much beauty. But I’m drowning in terror, in black claws, perforating my lungs, my tears, my voice, only a hair’s breadth away.

And I am lost while I am falling and fighting and drowning.

I’ll make more of it than it really is. Then I’ll strip it away. The glass won’t break but the plastic is molding.

Is it funny? That I’m screaming as its burning. Yet I won’t step back from the fire.

It’s good for me, I sob.

abstract-1780273_1920

 

Who am I?

Sticky notes I can’t find. Pens keep running out of ink. Letters crumpled in the corner.

The advantage is soaking.

The sorrow tastes like sweet beauty. Something I can embrace.

Is it okay to be like this?

Yes! I finally scream, voice breaking, the emptiness staring me mute.

 

The dust hid it. I lost the broom.

Can I just keep the delusion?

And it swells until it destroys the whole point.

The whispers can’t hear me. They keep creeping past, leaving the candles lit.

I know its new. But I can’t find the ticket. And the roof fell in.

Its waiting in the box but I can’t seem to take it out, to save myself.

Nothing sturdy. I can’t put life here. It’ll shatter.

 

Sometimes the best thing to do is let go, come back tomorrow, and try again.

The spine is well worn. The pages are empty.

Can I, please?

Just take my time.

I won’t stay if this keeps up. I’ve only got so much pulse.

It’s not really numbing. You’ll regret that.

And I’m so tired. Its worn me down.

The tendrils slip right in and rip it all out.

I’m finding part of me in this divide.

 

Beneath the glitter

Beneath the paint

I found the sinner

I found the saint.

 

I found your soul

I spat it out

It fixed my faith

It fixed my doubt.

 

I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. Sometimes the flame doesn’t realize the heat’s gone.

 

I ran

I crawled

I found the door

I can’t stay here, anymore.

 

It took my present

It took my past

I took a breath

It took my last.

 

You’re not lucky

I find it best

To remember the truth

I’m here, I’m blessed.

 

Correct me if I’m wrong

You’ll correct me if I’m right

I’m really very tired

Of circling this same old fight.

 

I’d like to pause with a smile. But I find I’m merely content.

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

 

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Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry, Stream of Consciousness

I Digress

If it won’t be easy,

I have to ask –

Will it be so trying

That by the end,

My soul is dying?

 

Sometimes, I think,

The harder thing to do,

Is what turns out

Being, in the end,

Exactly right for you.

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

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