“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.”
small and simple
real and true
this holiday season, please remember to be who you are
Isn’t a place
It is where
By Daphne Shadows
“All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!”
― Dr. Seuss
We need to remember. The number one person we need to like us – is us.
We are going to be alone in our own skin quite a lot, without a distraction.
Do you like yourself?
Do you have self-compassion?
Do you respect yourself?
Hold your boundaries (part of respecting yourself)?
Are you comfortable when you’re alone in your own head?
Last question: Are you uncomfortable when you’re alone in your own head?
If so, you probably have an addiction of some sort so that you can keep yourself distracted OR you are highly sensitive to the possibility of becoming an addict.
We need to like ourselves. If not, every other thing in life is quite pointless.
Because if you hate yourself, you most likely are not living and are not loving in a healthy manner.
throwing out all
they no longer
for all the
I’ve stored there
peering into the
behind my eyes
not even me
tired of pretending
so I’m not
by Daphne Shadows
The more I try to put a magnifying glass to “who I am” and try to figure it out, the farther away I fall. The vaguer the answers get.
I know who I am. Even if that means, right now, I don’t have all the answers about myself or my motivations or my deep, dark, hidden secrets from myself.
The more I try to peg down who I am in specifics, the more I lose my ability to define my identity.
Who I am, is someone who changes.
Today, I don’t have all the answers.
I’m the chick who cried in a room full of people who understand her, and didn’t want to get the headache that might turn to a migraine because she cried. The chick who doesn’t cry out loud often. But feels safe in that room.
Today, I’m the gal who prepared a small lesson to teach tomorrow about self-reliance and tied it in with how to fold an origami heart.
I’m the person who listened to her neighbors shriek at each other and wondered if I could put them in a story and fix them.
Today, I’m Daphne. I was Daphne yesterday. I’ll be her tomorrow.
But today, I’m not the same as yesterday and I won’t be the same tomorrow.
Today I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety and come out of it with a touch of serenity in my rib cage. I’ve been honest with myself, even though it hurt, and felt better for it.
I’ve felt a touch of hope. Hope that I’ve changed. Hope that I’ll continue to grow.
I’m the one who read this post and felt an immediate connection with her words.
Who laughs a real laugh, content, even though my insides are a mess.
The same Daphne who hasn’t taken all of her Halloween decorations down yet, because hey, bats and pumpkin-skeletons are part of Fall too!
The gal who took her dog out in the freezing cold and thought of all the homeless who must be shivering in old clothes, and wished she could save the world. The same gal who realized a lot of people don’t want to be saved. Not really.
The same Daphne who grinned at herself. California isn’t freezing, not compared to other places.
To me, it’s freezing.
I am the writer who watches Scooby-Doo reruns while writing about death, rebirth, pain, suffering, hope, and a woman who fights herself to freedom.
Yesterday… I don’t want to think about yesterday. It hurts. And the hurt slides back in so easily, just at the mere mental mention of it. It pervades.
But the Daphne I am today is okay with that.
Today I have choices, I’ve decided.
Today, I can be all of me. Vulnerable. Raw.
I keep telling you this. Because I know it’s true. I feel it from the soles of my feet to the hollows behind my eyes.
I know where I’ve been, what I’ve been through, how I’ve coped, how I’ve survived. What I was thinking, what went on inside me even as I smiled and people bought, all the time, that I was doing fabulously. I know what’s brought me joy. What I’ve tried and failed to do. What mistakes I’ve made. I know how I’ve grown. What I’ve accomplished.
I know who I was yesterday. Last night. This morning. A few hours ago.
I know who I am.
Even if I don’t want to own up to it.
I am the Daphne who expels misery via the ink she types or pens, embedding it into pages.
I know who I am even if I focus on what I feel are my failings and can’t seem to find any successes until I talk to someone else who truly knows me.
Even if I hide who I am, from myself.
I know who I am. I am learning to be all of me, out loud.
Even if I don’t know a thing about my tomorrows.
Tomorrow I’ll be different. Tomorrow, I’ll be the same me.
I think we undervalue simplicity. I believe more often than not, we’re complicating life.
With others’ dramas, others’ beliefs on how life “should be”, others’ wants, expectations, opinions on how life “really is”, yada, yada, yada….
What about me? Us? You? Do you exist? I mean, answer me this question.
Do you exist?
Now answer me this one.
Are you living? Your own life?
It’d be a lot simpler if we could just live our own lives, value our own internal feelings and thoughts, desires and wants, needs and values on a base, self-esteem affirming level.
It seems to me like we get all worked up over the dumbest things, offended and worked up over things that don’t really matter.
Because we’re so wrapped up in the drama. The “right way” to think, believe, the right opinions to have. The “right” way to spend our time.
We get all fired up.
Because we cannot look inside, instead. Into our own souls.
Into who we are.
That would just be too easy.
And so we lose our identities.
How about we take ourselves into account (on a healthy level; if you like murdering/torturing people, this doesn’t apply to you)?
How about we think about what we want out of OUR life.
You realize this is your life, right?
And who is deciding your life’s rules?
Probably should be you….
(And don’t get all technical and petty. Right is right, wrong is wrong. I’m not saying you should discount humanity or morals.)
I recently read some good advice. I’m planning on taking it.
What are things you would spend your time on if you didn’t have to worry about money, expectations, or others? If you had no other obligations? What is most important to you, as a person? What do you enjoy, crave, dream of doing?
What takes up your time, day to day?
Compare these two lists. Where are your priorities and where would you like them to be?
Keep in mind:
Life is just a mess and no one really knows exactly what they’re freaking doing.
You might as well live your life in a way that will make you happy, give you/your life meaning and value, purpose and vibrancy.
And yes, its going to be messy.
Just keep it simple.