Tag Archives: Daphne Shadows

I AM

I AM

throwing out all

my masks

they no longer

fit

 

I AM

checking under

my bed

for all the

monsters

I’ve stored there

 

I AM

peering into the

hollows

behind my eyes

whispering,

coaxing out

my soul

 

I AM

rewriting my

future

keeping the

pens to

myself now

 

I AM

demolishing

the porcelain

walls

and painting

the air

about me

 

I AM

coming home

to myself

nothing can

stop me

not even me

 

I AM

smoking out

the lies

untwisting

the truths

 

I AM

tired of pretending

so I’m not

anymore

 

by Daphne Shadows

 

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Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry

We Have ALL Made a Terrible Mistake

We have made important things

Cliché

Trite

Corny

 

Even those of us who do nothing to create it

Laugh at the jokes

Discount the truth

Mock

Roll our eyes

Buy In

 

Real Love

Trust

Truth

Joy

Happiness

 

Important Abstractions

 

A child’s love for their parent

The misery created via tragedy

The seeking for something better

The pain everything can entail

The hope

Striving

Searching

Hurting

Finding

 

We’ve made a joke of it

All

Human Emotion

 

If it is genuine

I suppose

The world

Will

Mock

 

And what

Will

We

Do?

…..this time…..

today

right now

tomorrow

 

I mean wow

We’re low

We’ve even found a way (and not just A way but many ways) to make a joke out of sex – the most vulnerable, most alive, most real we can be with another human being, the truest form of love incarnate

A Joke

 

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Filed under Stream of Consciousness

Why Are You REALLY Angry?

Earlier this week, (I started this post quite a while ago but couldn’t put everything into words) I woke up quite happily, went about my morning routine, got to an early meeting, and suddenly realized I was flamingly enraged.

Everyone and everything irritated me.

I wasn’t angry at the little things, at the people. The circumstance.

Anger behind my anger.

That’s what had me.

Lurking back there like a freaking chained Chihuahua I’d been trying to ignore.

After a while, you can’t ignore the real reasons.

(and by the way, what horrible person chains up a dog and ignores it in the first place? just saying…it was the only metaphor I had at the moment)

 

Notice that the word “anger” is in the word “danger”.

Go ahead.

Take a minute.

I know its a real hard one to wrap your mind around.

*rolls eyes*

 

I used to think being angry was the danger.

Nope.

Nah-ah.

WRONG.

 

I used to think “letting go” of my anger meant, noticing the anger and shoving it away as fast as I could manage.

 

Safe to say, its been a while since I’ve “felt” my feelings.

 

 

That’s the danger.

NOT feeling the emotions trying to flow through you.

Anger is telling us something.

Are we listening?

Typically we’re angry because we hurt.

 

What other emotions am I ignoring?

……

That wasn’t a fun thing to think on either.

 

My advice?

(and wouldn’t it be great if I would take my own advice?)

Figure out why you’re REALLY angry.

It might require more than thinking about it.

Do something creative in an angry manner.

I’m serious.

Have you ever seen a toddler get pissed off while holding a crayon/pencil/pen?

They FREAK. OUT.

And suddenly there’s a bunch of angry scribbling going on.

Have you seen a toddler get mad while holding a toy?

They throw things!

They feel their rage. And yeah, it’s freaking rage.

We downplay what we feel, then try to hide it, ignore it. Or the people around us tell us that’s not what we’re feeling…. “No honey, you’re not angry at your brother.” How often do parents tell their children this? YES! I’m bloody mad! That’s what I feel right now! Don’t try to tell me I don’t. We grow up being told that we don’t feel what we feel. That what we feel isn’t okay. We only grow that issue as we grow. Well, some of us. Some of you enlightened people get that healthy vibe real fast.

But eventually, while letting go and feeling that anger, you’re going to notice some things whispering from within.

And that’s when you start to figure things out.

 

You know where not feeling my anger has gotten me?

Therapy.

Al-Anon.

A psychiatrist.

Medical issues I now can’t get rid of.

 

Stress is generated when we try to act as if we’re someone we’re not.

We are EMOTIONAL creatures.

WE. FEEL.

It only becomes a problem – a danger to ourselves – when we try to deny it.

….or you know, when we express it in an inappropriate way…. which is different than denying it to the point that we snap, blow up, have a psychotic break and decide to shoot everyone in sight.

 

Emotion can do a lot for us.

Or we can ignore it, hide it, deny it and screw ourselves over.

We’re not going to be able to let go of the nastier emotions until we first acknowledge and feel them.

 

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Filed under Stream of Consciousness

Kicking the Chair

There’s only so many steps

you can take

before you fall

 

What we think will help us

typically lurks inside

crippling us all

 

Can we stop

for just one moment

and be?

 

How astonishing

our world could be

if we could see

 

Minus lyric, minus line

take the pride

and the stiff neck

 

Perhaps we’d learn

to breathe, to love

reflect

 

Tired of following rules

created to

kill

 

All our hearts

are dying

another day, another pill

 

Ignoring away the pain

the hurt

we step into our own noose

 

And look, I didn’t even

rhyme

the whole time

 

 

by Daphne Shadows

 

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Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry

Oops

SO, uh… hi.

Haven’t posted this month.

Oops.

A lot has been going on.

 

I read something this morning.

“I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.”

-unknown

 

This is great.

It is me.

So, you’re doomed for a post with a bunch of quotes.

I don’t even know if that was grammatical.

Oh well.

And all of the quotes are unknown.

 

email for credit ❤

 

“be careful how you react – spills can be wiped up, dishes and furniture can be replaced, but it takes a long time to fix a broken heart”

 

“stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be”

 

“if you get tired, learn to rest, not quit”

 

“look in the mirror. that’s your competition”

 

“there is no shortcut. it takes time to build a better, stronger version of yourself”

 

“anything that costs you your peace is too expensive”

 

“you cannot pour from an empty cup. take care of yourself first.”

 

email for credit ❤

 

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Filed under Stream of Consciousness

47 Truths People Would Tell Their Younger Selves

If you could go back in time, and tell yourself up to five things, what would you say?

While I’m a big believer in having to live through our trials, pains, and sorrows in order to learn, grow, and become who we are today – I read this question in an email and it immediately captured me.

I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

So I asked a handful of people I know what they would say…

 

I’d like to play blog tag with EVERYONE WHO READS THIS POST.

Oh yeah.

Challenge thrown down.

I’d love it if different people could copy and paste this post – and add onto it, wisdom from the people in their own lives. Let’s see how many truths we can accumulate. Don’t forget to link back to me so I can see too!

Also, if you’ve got some answers — throw ’em at me in the comments section! I want to know.

 

 

Laura,

  1. “Love yourself as you are, but always strive to become better.”
  2. “You’re beautiful and worthwhile and priceless.”
  3. “You are a daughter of a King [God] and are destined to be a Queen. Act accordingly.”

 

Reta,

  1. To my fifteen-year-old self: “You don’t know everything, you’ve got a lot more to learn about the real world. Much more wisdom to hear.”

 

Tannis,

  1. “If I had something to tell my younger self, it would just be that I wouldn’t change a thing. I have no regrets. My life has had the same ups and downs that every person does. But, I wouldn’t change who I have become. And, the best part, I have the three most miraculous children in the world! Just keep driving yourself forward every single day.”

 

Rose,

  1. “My feelings matter.”
  2. “I am special and deserve to be loved and nurtured.”
  3. “There is help out there for kids in abusive situations.”
  4. “I was right when I wondered if families could be happy, supportive, and loving.”
  5. “I can be truly happy and someday I will meet a wonderful man that loves me for who I am – and I will have a beautiful family of my own and have the opportunity to be the loving role model I always wanted.”

 

Anonymous,

  1. “It get’s better.”

 

Anonymous,

  1. “You don’t really have to grow up in all aspects of life; most of your best times will involve being silly and childlike.”
  2. “Yes, I know it sounds foreign right now, but you CAN learn to meditate.”
  3. “You are who you are and that’s okay. You can still be a wife and a mom. Most people will still like you and the ones who don’t won’t matter. You’ll miss out on a lot of peace if you wait until you’re 26 to realize this.”

 

Alisha,

  1. “Don’t date that guy.”
  2. “Go to class.”
  3. “You’re not fat.”
  4. “Say ‘no thanks’.”
  5. “Don’t waste your time.”

 

Martha,

  1. “Be more attentive in school. Now I understand the true importance of history! It’s a composite of everything we are – and a true path to whatever we will be. What, with all the warnings of what to not do again!”
  2. “Study Orwell more in depth. His 1984 is today! Are we in a time warp? Will we ever learn? And if we truly did, would we have the courage to change?”
  3. “Keep God’s commandments and follow without question!!!”

 

Chuck,

  1. “Go into baseball with Don Drysdale with the chance to pitch for the Dodgers.”
  2. “Do not get married at age nineteen.”
  3. “Do not start drinking.”

 

Kevin,

  1. “Don’t sell your 1967 Mustang fastback.”
  2. “Buy that house even if at first it will be hard.”
  3. “Save money for a rainy day.”
  4. “Don’t take that first pain pill.”
  5. “Most of all, I would beat it into myself to put my kids first in everything and to show them support in everything they do.

 

Anonymous,

  1. “Be courageous.”
  2. “Don’t allow my fears to sway my dreams.”
  3. “When I meet a church member, listen with my heart. Better decisions will follow that knowledge.”

 

Jim,

  1. “Career, financial, and investment advice.”
  2. “However, most of the wisest counsel I would like to give myself, I needed to learn through experience.”

 

Tiffany,

  1. “Just because you do something differently than someone else does not make it wrong or the wrong way of doing something. It’s your own way!”
  2. “Always keep an open mind.”
  3. “Never make an important decision based on emotions.”

 

Lisa,

  1. “This Earth is not our home. Our home is with God. Stay focused on your Eternal goal and not the worldly experience.”
  2. “Stand up for the things that you need and believe in.”
  3. “Don’t stress over the little things. God is there to help you through any trial. He will make the pain lighter and easier to handle.”
  4. “Love yourself, shine your light.”

 

Daphne Shadows,

  1. Stop hating yourself. If you don’t, this bad habit is going to grow until it’s taken over your identity.
  2. Stop allowing others to choke the life out of you with fear.
  3. Hope. Believe. It gets better. So much better.
  4. I would read “Invictus”, hug myself, and whisper in my ear, between you and God, you are the master of your fate, you decide your life. No one else. Not anyone else. Not ever.
  5. Get to writing stories you want to write! Enjoy it. That’s why you do it. If there’s no passion, there’s no life.

 

 

Invictus 

by William Ernest Henley

 

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

 

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

 

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

 

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Filed under The Odd Bit

The Reason My Soul Stopped

I believe there comes a time to look objectively at my life and decide if there are any beliefs, behaviors, projects, relationships, dreams, and/or time spent in any other ways that are doing more harm than good, or simply need to be allowed to die a natural death.

 

 

I have spent 6 years on a story. One which has changed altogether 3 times. One which has brought me much joy and realization, illumination in my own life.

But this story is more closely tied to my uncertainty and shifting life purposes than I was aware. Blair does not know what her story is or how to arrange in her heart all the pieces of her puzzle.

This is because, I do not know these precise things.

I cannot yet tell you Blair’s story. To all those who have read one of her stories, I am ever grateful for your help in revealing a part of my soul to me. But I must admit, you have not met Blair in her fullness.

It is time Blair and I move on together, to further discover our own lives.

It’s time I begin anew.

I will always love Blair. I will tell her story at some future date.

But to do so today would be a sham, a disgrace, a lie.

And there is a difference between perseverance and sheer stubborn denial.

 

So, I must confess, I was wrong. I haven’t lost the urge to write. I’ve lost the desire to try to force something that isn’t ready.

But this is great freaking news!

I am moving on.

 

 

I find I am excited by this new, empty page.

There is a dragon unlike I’ve ever met meandering around in the back of my mind; napping, checking in on zombies, solving mysteries to keep herself from going mad, and eating a lot of peaches.

I’m interested in her, in this strange new feel she brings.

 

In conclusion, I’m eternally grateful that I have not been published.

I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know myself at all. Consequently, my stories were places where I could escape the nastiness of my life. I cram packed it when violence, anger, death, and not much else.

I can no longer be the writer I was before.

I’ve imbued myself with lessons learned and truths identified. I’m glad for these stories, critiques, experiences, and rejections. They give me traction to climb my life’s mountains and the cushion and helmet I will need when I trip, stumble, and almost fall off.

Because let’s be honest, soul eater or dragon, I’m a wobbly individual.

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Filed under The Odd Bit