Tag Archives: cry

The Worth of Souls

(I know I just posted, but get over it, people. I typically forget to post for a week instead of posting 3 times weekly. You’ll survive……still grumpy if you can’t tell)

Today is a painful day.

 

I’d like for everyone to send Brian some love.
Speaking of fuzzy babies, Brian’s dog passed away this week. Buck is an adorable, sweet boy who loves snow and his dad, Brian.

I say “is”, because the only solace I retain is that all my fuzzy babies are in heaven, waiting for me.
I don’t believe a soul can die. We just move somewhere else. And dogs are most certainly the sweetest of souls.

 

What to do when your animal passes?
Cry.
I cried like a psycho when my last two dogs died, and that for once, is not a joke, exaggeration, or me being sarcastic. I got a migraine I cried so hard.
The idea that your dog (or whatever your beloved animal is) died in pain and confused is enough to crush one’s heart.
But at least he died quickly.
And I am so glad that I was there to hold my dog’s hand as he passed.
I will forever look forward to the day I get to see my dogs again.

 

Isn’t it funny that that’s what we do, as humans? Try to look for the “well, at least”s in terrible situations.
At least it was quick.
He still died. He still hurt.
You still hurt. I still hurt.

 

But I believe this is a good thing. I think its the two things we should do when a dog (pet) dies.
1. We cry. We hurt. We rage.
2. We remember. We love. We look forward to reuniting.

 

So let’s all take a moment to remember our pets, the pets of our friends, and send some love Buck and Brian’s way.
Rest in peace, Buck.

Descent Into Slushland

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” – Josh Billings

The last two years have been really shitty for me. As bad as 2016 was, 2017 has just eclipsed it as the shittiest. Four days ago my dog suddenly stopped walking. Seriously, he was fine most of Sunday and in the afternoon he changed. He was in pain. So. Much. Pain. He hurt so much that he didn’t even want to lay down.

We took him to the vet for tests. They had trouble finding the cause. Eventually they said he had arthritis. Buck is ten, and a Lab, of course he has arthritis. They gave him anti-inflammatory medication…which did absolutely nothing. In fact, he got worse. The next day he would stand around panting (even though it wasn’t hot) and later whining non-stop. It broke my heart to…

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The Rise

I’m tired of making sense. It’s like I’ve got to stretch to fit and it’s not working. Life doesn’t always make sense. Why should I bend over backwards, crane my neck, and break blood vessels in my eyes just to make it all appear flawless and put together? Nothing is perfect or flawless. I was right when I began; I can take all of this. Only, my definition of “this” has changed. I can take whatever I need to. And I realize what I need isn’t the world spinning. To let go is to cry from my lungs, to let my soul shiver in the darkness, the cold that seeped in. To let go is to warm with the silence seeping from inside me until I can feel it, wiping away the pain.

I said something on twitter the other day that didn’t make sense. I do that. I speak sometimes without understanding myself, where it came from, this nonsense. What I think is really happening is I’m escaping through fissures. I’m breaking and its saving my life.

“Something witty. Something lovely. Something inspiring. I don’t know. I know the silence hiding within, trying to pour out into my skin.”

“When the silence spills into my lungs, I think it’s time to hear it.”

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Filed under Stream of Consciousness