Where do you choose to put your head?
What do you choose to put in your head?
What goes on in our heads makes A HUGE difference.
What goes on in our heads can change something amazing and wonderful and beautiful into something boring, stupid, horrible, ugly, and painful.
What goes on in our heads can bring something ugly up to something possibly gorgeous.
We don’t know everything.
We don’t know what everyone is thinking, wanting, needing. We don’t know what everyone else has been through.
Half the time we don’t even know OURSELVES. What we want. What we need. What needs we’re getting met in unhealthy ways. What dreams and hopes we’ve buried alive.
We can program ourselves. Our minds.
We can’t control what emotions zing into our heads and bodies and hearts.
We CAN control what we feel. About emotions, about others, about situations, about ourselves.
Let me repeat that one again.
WE CAN CONTROL WHAT WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES.
Emotions are signals FROM OURSELVES being sent TO OURSELVES.
We need to look at what our emotions are telling us.
Are we angry because we need to say no? Because our ‘no’ was ignored? Because we need to draw some lines in the sand and set some hard boundaries? Because we’ve got loads of suppressed emotions we’ve not dealt with, tried to ignore? There are loads of reasons.
We most likely already know what the emotion is trying to tell us. We know and we ignore it because we don’t want to feel it. We don’t want to slide up beside Reality and be like, “hey, what’s up dude?”
Oh no, we’d rather hide from Reality inside the nastiest sewer and peek out to see if Reality can see us. Only, eventually, we’ve stopped even realizing we’re in a sewer. While we in the bottom of the sewer drowning and hating life.
Well, gee. GET OUT OF THE SEWER AND DEAL WITH REALITY.
Now, we all get their in our own time. But sometimes we stay in that sewer of our own making for far too long.
Most often, to avoid pain.
Life comes with pain.
If you feel it, it goes away pretty fast. If you try to ignore it, you feel it every single freaking day and pretend you don’t. Until it gets so bad you have to deal with it or die for one reason or another. Let’s not forget stress really can kill a human being.
Let’s not get their, k?
And if you are there, don’t forget you can back away from the edge of the cliff at any moment. Your feet, your brain, your body. Your decision to make.
What most people do with emotions is avoid them.
If we don’t feel anything, we’re going to end up exploding eventually. We’re going to go numb, which is a next level pain, and THEN we will end up exploding, but we’ll get there eventually. Or you know, die.
Or we try to just keep feeling our emotions over and over again as if that’s going to do something.
Sometimes we really just need to get over it. Or reframe it. Or make a decision to not know what we’re doing in life and just move forward in a healthy direction we want to go in. We need to do something new. Make a different decision. Ask for help from a safe, trustworthy source that knows what they’re talking about.
What we almost always have control over is what goes on in our mind. I’ve got a bipolar mood disorder, intense bipolar anxiety, and depression. Along with a host of physical medical conditions. Like a digestive disease that causes me to need a prenatal vitamin because my body literally will not accept the food with the nutrients it needs. So I eat a limited amount and work with what I’ve got. What are most social settings revolved around? Food. I’m an emotional eater. I eat something my body doesn’t want and I’m in Hell for a week at the very least, not to mention I then get stuck in negative thought loops about how stupid I am for doing what I knew would hurt me. Again. So guess what Daphne doesn’t do a lot? Attend social gatherings.
Life is bloody hard. It’s hard for all of us. We ALL have something or multiple somethings that CHALLENGE US. But we can either see these things as problems or puzzles. It’s either the end of the world again or a challenge.
This can be hard when you grow up brainwashed into believing that the world was ending every moment of every day. I understand. It takes A LOT to change the way our brain is wired. Especially if we’ve been abused in such a way that we didn’t know we were being abused/brainwashed.
But we can change ourselves.
It takes time. But it happens. Baby steps.
We can assume responsibility for what is going on in our own mind, for what we do, for how we respond or react to ourselves, our issues, other people, situations, etc.
We cannot control others. But WE CAN CONTROL OURSELVES. We are responsible for our feelings. Our words. Our actions. Our decisions.
Today I went into exercising without having a routine pinned down. Which was irresponsible of me because I know that irks me. I like to know what I’m doing, how many reps of each, and what muscles I’m targeting. I like this because then I can hit it hard and go, go, go (with healthy resting periods of course) and I really feel like I’ve accomplished what I wanted to.
Instead, I ended up agonizing over what I’d do next, how many I needed to do, whether or not that would be too much since I’d just used that muscle group pretty heavily yesterday with weights, etc.
And I got pissed. Frustrated. There’s a physical and emotional rage that just hits me and sticks into my pores with grappling hooks made of steel and stubbornness.
So I went for a jog.
The entire jog I was just negative in my head. That rage just building and building until the jog was no longer satisfying.
I got almost all the way home and realized what I’d done.
First, I’d done something I KNEW would upset me.
Then, I’d gotten stuck in negative thought loops and made it worse.
I started attempting positive self-talk. And guess what? I felt better. I came home feeling great. I did some yoga, thinking positively. I meditated for like three minutes (which is better than zero minutes and it was my first day back to it in months).
I am by no means saying I am a pro or even good at positive self-talk. And I can’t even say that I always believe it. But I’m trying. And I believe that if I want to change my beliefs and what I believe I’m worth and deserving of… I believe that if I want to achieve a quality of life I can enjoy… then I need to change the way I think. I need to change my decisions about how I feel about my emotions. I need to change the stories I tell myself, about myself and others.
I truly believe that if I can rewire my brain with positive thoughts, I’ll live a positive life.
I mean, why not? Negative thoughts have given me a miserable life.
What goes on in our head is paramount to the quality of life we live.
We laugh about positive affirmations. We get snarky, call it ‘woo-woo’ or ‘new-agey’ or whatever else.
But let me ask all of us this question…
How did we get miserable?
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. NEGATIVE FOCUSES. NEGATIVE FRAMING. NEGATIVE FEARS ABOUT THE FUTURE. NEGATIVE MEMORIES REPLAYING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BRINGING UP THAT INSTANT NEGATIVE AND DISGUSTING EMOTIONAL FEELING ATTACHED TO IT.
We tell ourselves we’re ugly, fat, stupid, not good enough, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too pale, too slow, incapable, not capable of doing what others can do, yada, yada, yada.
We feed ourselves negativity.
So we feel terrible.
Shocking. Really. *heavy on the sarcasm there*
We can reprogram our minds. I love what Kristen Lamb says.
“The mind cannot tell the difference between truth and lie. What we tell it, it simply accepts and obeys.”
WE CAN UNDO NEGATIVE BRAINWASHING.
And we can brainwash ourselves.
Into having a positive mind.
And while we’re at it, smile. Physically. I know it’s goofy but just do it.
Get up. Move. Do some squats. Do some pushups. Even if you think you stuck at physical fitness stuff, do it. Do jumping jacks.
It’s pretty hard to be full-blown miserable when your body is in a motion that reminds it of joy, sex, etc. When we exercise we release endorphins, we FEEL better almost instantly. Try it. We no longer feel stuck or stagnant or trapped. Because we’re moving.
Try other healthy stuff.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
If we really WANT to feel better, live a different life – we will figure out a way to do it.
That doesn’t mean we don’t need help. Let me be real with you.
I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU ARE, WHAT YOU BELIEVE, HOW YOU IDENTIFY, WHAT YOU WANT —– WE *all* NEED HELP.
From the right people. The right support groups, therapists, books, videos, etc.
Never feel ashamed for needing help. We need each other.