Daily Archives: June 13, 2018

Mental Illness Kills Resumes

I don’t talk to people when I’m angry.

I stay in my half of the bedroom, looking obviously angry, and I leave everyone alone. And it is quite apparent I want to be left alone. Not everyone seems to understand that intense anger, hiding in the only space I can call my own, and an angry countenance means I want to be left alone, but they eventually figure it out.

I don’t talk at all when I’m angry.

Because I want to be left alone.

 

Either that, or I just pretend I’m not angry. And I get really, really depressed. And pretend I’m not depressed.

I don’t feel my feelings. I ignore them.

So today, when I got angry and the anger stayed with me, I decided to actually take part in my own freaking anger challenge (because apparently, I thought my pet ghost was going to take care of that for me….??? because I sure as sugar wasn’t going to do it).

 

That was a really long way of saying, “hey, watch this youtube video of me telling you what I’m angry about”.

 

 

You don’t have to have mental illness to understand. You don’t have to be angry, suffer, or in any other way have experiences like mine, to understand. Humans feel empathy. Not understanding is a choice.

Does anyone else see the irony in me making a 30-day anger challenge, when all I do is stuff my anger?

Does anyone understand this?

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Filed under Vlog

Wretched

I wish

Truth

Wasn’t such an allergen.

 

That people didn’t shy from honesty

Like a flame edged sword.

 

I wish

Love

Was given in equal measure.

 

Not plucked from one

And doted on the favorite.

 

I wish

I wasn’t smiling

While my heart

My whole being

Cries

 

The most

Sorrowful

Sobs

Of loneliness

 

Of absolute

Mystified

Bewilderment

 

At how so much

Hate

Is slipped between

Our love

Like so much unimportance

 

We are killing each other

One apathetic gesture at a time.

 

Uncaring

Dishonest

Unloving

 

I pray for something

More

Something

Real

 

And hope

With teeth clenched

Eyes squeezed shut

Hands of my heart, wringing

Like an innocent maiden

From long ago

Before everything was cheap

 

While I smile

A hollow smile

That we both know

Is fake.

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

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Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry