Monthly Archives: June 2018

Because

So….

Hi!

*awkwardly shuffles onto your screen*

How are you doing?

Just wanted to stop by, let you know you’re awesome, and leave this here…

Put yourself first. You can’t be anything for anybody else unless you take care of yourself. -Unknown

(we can’t give if we’re empty)

(and remember that little tidbit about being in an airplane crash? how we’re supposed to put OUR oxygen mask on BEFORE the adorable, helpless infant? that’s because we will die before we can  help the infant – if we don’t help ourselves FIRST.)

and this…

We will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it. — Richard Bach

oh and this too…

“If you get tired learn to rest, not to quit.”

― Banksy

okay, bye for now! (also, here’s an awe-inspiring photo)

and this one too

and this one too – because isn’t it just freaking awesome?!

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Filed under The Odd Bit

Mental Illness Kills Resumes

I don’t talk to people when I’m angry.

I stay in my half of the bedroom, looking obviously angry, and I leave everyone alone. And it is quite apparent I want to be left alone. Not everyone seems to understand that intense anger, hiding in the only space I can call my own, and an angry countenance means I want to be left alone, but they eventually figure it out.

I don’t talk at all when I’m angry.

Because I want to be left alone.

 

Either that, or I just pretend I’m not angry. And I get really, really depressed. And pretend I’m not depressed.

I don’t feel my feelings. I ignore them.

So today, when I got angry and the anger stayed with me, I decided to actually take part in my own freaking anger challenge (because apparently, I thought my pet ghost was going to take care of that for me….??? because I sure as sugar wasn’t going to do it).

 

That was a really long way of saying, “hey, watch this youtube video of me telling you what I’m angry about”.

 

 

You don’t have to have mental illness to understand. You don’t have to be angry, suffer, or in any other way have experiences like mine, to understand. Humans feel empathy. Not understanding is a choice.

Does anyone else see the irony in me making a 30-day anger challenge, when all I do is stuff my anger?

Does anyone understand this?

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Filed under Vlog

Wretched

I wish

Truth

Wasn’t such an allergen.

 

That people didn’t shy from honesty

Like a flame edged sword.

 

I wish

Love

Was given in equal measure.

 

Not plucked from one

And doted on the favorite.

 

I wish

I wasn’t smiling

While my heart

My whole being

Cries

 

The most

Sorrowful

Sobs

Of loneliness

 

Of absolute

Mystified

Bewilderment

 

At how so much

Hate

Is slipped between

Our love

Like so much unimportance

 

We are killing each other

One apathetic gesture at a time.

 

I pray for something

More

Something

Real

 

And hope

With teeth clenched

Eyes squeezed shut

Hands of my heart, wringing

Like an innocent maiden

From long ago

Before everything was cheap

 

While I smile

A hollow smile

That we both know

Is fake.

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

2 Comments

Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry

Something Whispers

 

Filled to Empty

Once Again

Just so you can

Poke holes in me

 

Shaped into something

Beyond

Recognition

 

Soft thumps

Abrade the inside

Of my rib cage

And something odd

Flitters through

My chest

 

It isn’t life but tubing

Left there from

When I hated myself

A little less

 

Electronic beeping

Reminding me

To pretend I am alive

 

I am not.

Not today.

Not inside this skin.

 

Not inside

This mind

That falls down

So easily

 

Sometimes it seems

So silly

That I ever thought

I could be real

 

To walk without oiled joints

Or charged lights

Behind my eyes

From which everything

Was stolen

 

(by me)

(something whispers)

 

I forgot

I was the one

Behind the mask

Wearing the gloves

Leaving no trace

 

I forgot

I was the one

Who let this happen

Who roused from slumber

And did nothing

Who watched from behind

Serpent eyes

And let you die

 

I wonder

If it would hurt less

If I was never human at all

 

Simply a stain on the porcelain

The sand slipping down the time

Shivering down the hourglass

 

I forgot

How to tell the truth

Or which it was

 

I forgot

How to speak

Without a tongue

How to see

Without a spine

 

Can I walk

Knowing the many times

My very breath crawled

 

Why?

Why do we torture ourselves?

How many of us are there

In here?

This one little body

 

Pieces hiding

Shuffling about

Slipping behind curtains

Fixing smeared mascara

Redressing so no one notices

 

Their stories

Are shuttered up

Dust chokes the sunrises

Moonlight can’t hide

The shadows

 

I forgot

How the tip of a fingernail

Could hold so many

Dead skin cells

 

They aren’t all mine

 

(yes they are)

(something whispers)

 

And I deny everything

Black lipstick that doesn’t

Smudge

Or leave

Photos behind

 

And no, I wasn’t

Made by accident

Why does everyone ask?

We all clamber around

Waiting for a story to be

Unfolded

It wasn’t an accident

We remember

I shake my head

We know

Our skin

My skin

We feel

 

It’s like they can see

I’m made from

Different coincidences

Kissing beneath the

Atom bomb

 

Waiting for something

To change

Or someone

To notice

The shadows

Etched into my bones.

 

(can anyone see me?)

(no, I don’t think I can)

(something whispers)

 

By Daphne Shadows

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Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry