I had a dream I was Tom Hiddleston as Loki.
Don’t worry, it’s not the first time that I’ve dreamt I was a dude. The first time that happened, I was Will Smith.
Which is weird, considering I like being a chick.
Perhaps it’s a writerly thing.
Anywho… back to me being Loki.
The entire human species was on a living ship in the depths of the ocean. I say ship and not submarine because somehow it was a bloody ship and we weren’t covered in water even though we were submerged in it.
It’s a dream. Run with me here.
Something was causing a huge hole in the bottom of the ship, which was allowing water to actually get into it. Or onto it. Whatever. Hole in the bottom – death by drowning looming on the human race.
Loki (me) was trying to help Captain America and Thor fix the issue. In the beginning of the dream Loki was a bad guy but by this point he (me) is an anti-hero. So, a good guy. Trying to save all the people.
Glad you’re all caught up. Moving on.
Then my grandma is in the dream, and she’s in one of the bottom levels of the ship (it has loads of levels, because you know, entire population of world stuffed in there) and her dog (she doesn’t have one in real life) is dying. She was above her sleeping area in another level at the time of the hole being created and escaped with a lot of others.
She called me (Loki) to save her dying dog. (I think he was dying of old age.)
Loki gets to the dog but then my grandma, still on the phone (because apparently cell reception in the middle of the ocean in a ship that doesn’t let in water while being fully submerged, is great!) decides she doesn’t want me to risk my life by trying to get her dog, since her dog is dying soon anyway. I, Loki, was like, just because your sweet little fluff-ball of a dog is going to die, doesn’t mean his remaining life doesn’t matter. And he shouldn’t die alone. So Loki saves the dog.
Then the dream does dream like stuff and skips ahead. I’m still Loki but now we know that the hole in the huge ship was caused by The Villain of this dream – and now we know who that is.
Captain America and Thor try to fight off the Villain in an end-of-the-movie-like-showdown.
Human lives hanging in the balance. *drama*
Captain America and Thor are fighting against the Villain and they get thrown to the ground in dramatic movie fashion after hitting each other really hard.
*rolls eyes* This is in my subconscious, don’t forget.
Then the Villain isn’t the Villain anymore.
The Villain is Loki, lying there all beat up and disillusioned.
It becomes apparent to me (in the way dreams just let you “suddenly know” things because it’s in your own bloody head) that Loki and the Villain share the same body. Two different beings, one body. And Loki didn’t know this until just now. Neither did anyone else.
Captain America looks at Thor. “Two beings in one body. That’s a problem.”
Or something like that. It sounded cooler in my dream.
They both look at Loki, who says, “You know the only way to kill him is to kill me.”
And you know what the sad thing is?
Captain America and Thor don’t even try to figure something out. They just nod at one another, then Loki, and walk forward with the intent to kill him. And Loki just sits there.
Then I woke up.
You know what the actual sad part of this is?
I realized I’m not just Loki in this dream. I’m Captain America and Thor too.
Because I am always the one to give up on me. I never stand up for myself or my dreams. I never say, “wait, we can figure this out so I can live too”. I never try to be my own friend or protector. Never try to understand or help out or wait for.
I am always trying to pretend it is outside forces that keep me from writing or exercising or making the changes I want to make and becoming the person I dream of being.
But it’s not.
I’m pointing at Captain America and Thor – but it’s me, Loki.
Just sitting there. Knowing I will give up on myself and just waiting to die some more inside.
My being Loki was interesting to me.
Loki and the Villain in one body. That’s a whole can of worms for me. Yes, I’m my own worst enemy, but it goes further than that for me. Yes, I am bipolar and at odds with myself, and moody, but still. More to it.
But you’d have to understand my relationship with the character Loki before knowing all the meaning the dream holds for me.
I’ve liked Loki the Trickster long before the Marvel movies. I love mythology and tricksters just kinda do it for me. Plus Loki in the recent movies was unloved and treated poorly, then became evil and terrible as a coping mechanism. There’s a whole list of reasons Loki is relatable to me. (Not that I plan on becoming arrogant and murderous.)
I also particularly like Captain America because he always does the right thing, whether that means standing alone or not. No clue why Thor was in there. Not that I don’t like him. There are loads of heroes and versions and mythologies and let’s not get into that because it would be never ending. I just love superheroes and mythology.
I’m certain there are tons of interpretations behind this dream.
I figured if I wrote it out for all to see, I’d think about it more, instead of ignore it. Because ignoring myself is something I do FABULOUSLY.
But I’m hearing from many sources – including psychology sources – that dreams are a lot more our brain and a lot less wishy washy things to be ignored. So if my subconscious is trying to tell me something, I’m trying to listen. This week anyway.
Just so you know – I don’t think it comes across in this post – I actually really enjoyed the dream. And I woke up in a good mood. Its like a symbolic, mythological, superhero, metaphorical map of my subconscious.
What do you guys think my dream means?
Had any interesting dreams lately?
Obsessed with mythology?
(As for my grandma appearing in my dream, that’s personal.)