Grieving the Illusion

I bought myself new slippers. I feel really good about this.

My old ones were so worn in that I could feel the ridges on my feet and they hurt every time I wore them.

I kept wearing them anyway.

Sometimes I forget.

It’s okay to spend a little money on something that isn’t a dire-I-will-die-if-I-don’t-buy-this sort of thing.

Sometimes I forget to stop being afraid.

 

It’s the little things. Isn’t it?

That remind us that we’re human.

And we are.

Human.

We mess up.

We circle the same thing that we know is hurting us, trying to believe it isn’t what it is.

We’re already grieving its death anyway. We just don’t want to let go.

We hold tight, even as it cuts into our fingers and saps the energy we need to survive.

We’re not really grieving what we think we are.

We’re grieving the illusion.

What we wish it had been.

What we always wished it had been.

Isn’t that what we find with every unhealthy thing we must let go of?

 

I bought myself new slippers and I feel really good about it.

 

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2 Comments

Filed under Stream of Consciousness

2 responses to “Grieving the Illusion

  1. Gwen Hardage-Vergeer

    Very true, Daphne, and profoundly said. Question–Once we realize we are grieving the illusion, how do we move beyond that? Can you cremate an illusion? Will it rise from the grave if it is not 12 feet under? I’m just musing; answer or don’t, as you wish. -Gwen

    • That’s an intense question. A really good one!
      How do we move past that?
      How do I let go of my illusions. There’s so much to it. Letting go of it emotionally. Dealing with the knowledge that I was buying into an illusion. There are just so many strings with this one. And then what do I decide to believe instead? What truths do I have to admit to, accept? Deal with?
      I think it depends on what the illusion was. And the person, how they deal with things, what’s natural for them, healthy.
      I’m so going to think on this.
      Thank you Gwen!

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