This post is mainly going to center around me being a writer. If that irritates or bores you, skedaddle. However, you can simply get rid of the word “writer/writing” and add in your passion. Then it’d relate to just about anyone. 😉
Do you ever doubt that you’re a good writer?
I don’t mean do you doubt that you are a writer.
I simply mean, publishing material?
Do you doubt that it’s what you’re meant for, what you’re good at, what you’re in love with, what you want to spend the rest of your life doing? Do you ever wonder, would it be better if I gave up on writing as a career path and went for something else? It would certainly be easier. People wouldn’t say I was wasting my life or taking too long to get to where I want to be.
I wonder that sometimes lately.
It comes in these flashes, at the bottom of some terrible episode of me realizing that I’m miserable because I keep forgetting that I’m allowed to enjoy life. That I’m allowed to tailor my life into something I want, the rest of the world’s opinion of me be damned.
It comes when I realize I’m exhausted and bottomed out. Burned out. Tired of fighting against chains I allowed other people to put on me, simply by giving into their mentality. Thinking I should be someone better than I am.
It only lasts a few moments, literally.
That’s the length of time I can even imagine spending my life not being a writer.
And then it’s gone and I see how ridiculous it was.
Because something will remind me.
I’ll finish a really good book and look up the author’s website and get that rush. That unbelievable urge to live life that way. To dive into writing, dive into all that it entails. And I’ll remember the heady craziness that writing is, this lovely terrifying beautiful monster that comforts and loves me and doesn’t let anyone else hurt me.
Maybe this doesn’t make any sense to you. But it does to me.
I keep “forgetting” to write. To schedule it in because it’s important to me. Writing is my passion.
And yet, I keep “forgetting” about it.
How does one forget part of themselves?
It’s pretty damn easy, actually.
I took a year off from writing, to get my head straight. (Life has the effect of screwing one’s head on backwards and upside down.) The year is over.
I regained my passion for writing, the urge to write, the desire to write.
I even started working on my novel a few times over the past few months.
But I’m still missing some key ingredient.
I haven’t quite connected all the dots.
At least I’ve wrapped my heart, mind, and soul around writing authentically. So taking the year off worked its magic.
However, I keep having these false starts. I’m steadily (via the false starts) getting through a list of edits, answering questions, and deciding on some changes. Perhaps they’re not false starts. Maybe I’m just starting back to writing really, really slowly.
The key ingredient seems to be finding time to focus on things I’d like to focus on. Easier said than done.
I’ll find that dot eventually, right?
What is your passion? Do you have a problem with fitting it in? Do you ever “forget” part of yourself? Any missing dots?