Because the Chiropractor Said So

I am in agony.

Okay, not really, but my upper back, neck, head, lower back, hips, and legs are killing me.

Okay not that either. No killing. They’re just burning.

FIIIIIIIRE!!!

 

So, nope. No fire either.

But my body is bloody screaming bloody murder at me! With a megaphone.

I think some pygmies found me in the middle of the night and took an ax to me, chopping me up into itty bitty little pieces, then super glued me back together.

Because they got bored.

Whatever the reality – my chiropractor tells me the Chair from Hell I’ve been sitting in for about 2 years now is wreaking havoc with me bones.

fire big bang on black

credit: 2happy

 

 

This is getting weirder.

Whatever. I got adjusted, felt all light and weightless like I could fly (not really, I’d fall to the ground and SPLAT like an uncoordinated dodo bird). Then I went home and sat in my chair (from Hell – seriously, Satan threw it out his window and a dead guy down the street sold it to me for a pigeon that I didn’t have) and my body instantaneously FLIPPED ME OFF. There may or may not have been brass knuckles included.

One day later, I limped into Wal-Mart like a zombie on downers and grabbed the cheapest comfy desk chair I could find. Chiropractor’s orders.

Maybe I won’t get so many headaches now. That would be FABULOUS. Oh and my back and neck won’t feel like a cement truck ran me over. That would also make me non-homicidal.

And you know, my bones would stay in their proper place. I’m pretty sure that’s good for your health.

But that will happen after my body gets used to sitting with proper posture again.

 

Until then?

AGONY! Mini pick axes with a vengeance wielded by shades on PCP (because somehow PCP effects the dead now)!!!

In reality?

I’m just complaining because my body hates me at the moment. But it’s for its own good. Kind of like how I don’t feed my dog chocolate even though he REALLY wants some. Except I’m not furry, or – you know, a dog.

..

.

So I’ll just be over here ON FIRE, while kicking it in my new chair (which is NOT from Hell).

Yep.

True story.

It’s kind of awesome by the way.

 

credit: massagenerd

credit: massagenerd

Now I just need to find the freaking pygmies.

 

As a writer, did you have to find the right chair or die from back/neck/head pain?

Or any other kind of person who sits in a chair a lot?

Speak pygmies, er- posture, to me.

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11 Comments

Filed under Stream of Consciousness

11 responses to “Because the Chiropractor Said So

  1. Someone’s pain shouldn’t be funny, but I can’t help it — laughing my a$$ off here. ;-D You’re so good at wise-ass humor (my favorite kind!). It’s terrible though, I know — back & neck pain make every aspect of life miserable; turn your head to look at the TV & AGGHHH!, lift a fork to your mouth & accidentally lower your chin, aghaghagh! I hope you adjust to the new chair quickly! In the meantime, maybe write a story where someone you really don’t like is duct taped to a chair from Hell. Just for fun. ;-}

    • Aw, why thank you darling. *deep, dramatic bow*
      lol – I like the idea!
      Eh, sometimes you just gotta laugh at pain. Its either that or get out the flame thrower.
      Oh, and the chair and I are getting along quite nicely.

  2. I’m sorry you’re feeling so rough, but this is the funniest thing I’ve read all morning. Also, I feel your pain – my shoulders are constantly tense and sore, and now the rest of me is, too, thanks to my weekend cleaning spree (and the fact that I’m in sad physical shape). *hugs* Feel better soon! 🙂

    • Hey man – cleaning is its own workout!
      Yeah, sometimes I forget good posture. Its like you get writing and something pulls you closer to the screen or closer inward and closer and closer…
      And then your neck hurts and you realize you’re hunched down like a gremlin.
      So, the chair works. Now I just have to get my brain to work. 😀

      • Yeah, sometimes I forget good posture. Its like you get writing and something pulls you closer to the screen or closer inward and closer and closer…
        And then your neck hurts and you realize you’re hunched down like a gremlin.

        YES! I used to have perfect posture. Nine months of pregnancy destroyed it, but I got it back eventually, despite the writing (probably because my favorite place to write is in a recliner). Then back-to-back pregnancies destroyed it again, and I’m still trying to get it back.

        And cleaning is definitely its own workout. One I wish I could afford to hire out. 😀

      • Wow! That sounds frightening. 😉 Pregnancy is hard, especially back to back, from what I’ve seen. The fact that you’re upright and not a soul sucking devil after that, speaks to your character. 🙂

        You know, I don’t mind cleaning up after myself. But when its someone else’s mess and we’ve been over this before, that starts to wear on my happy disposition. *twitch*

  3. At least you got a new chair! Hopefully your body starts cooperating with all the things you want to do. How’s the writing coming?

  4. You poor thing… Tall about suffering for your art.

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