8 NonSensical Rules of the Universe that You Wish would Die

Ever heard of Murphy’s Law?

We all have little things that happen continuously that drive us nuts. For instance, when they run out of donuts right when you get to the shop. This is madness! Got all dressed and conscious real early like and you don’t have any freaking donuts for me!

You get the idea.

 

  1. You will never, ever be able to fill up the little dropper out of those dropper bottle thingies. Never, I tell you!

Why on earth do they make them the size they do if it’s never going to get filled up. I mean, do you remember getting so frazzled as a child because you couldn’t understand why they made all the empty space without letting you fill it up? You might as well give me a pool and tell me I can only fill it halfway. And yet I just keep trying to fill it.

Bloody hell it’s like trying to fit a circle peg in a square hole! Blarg!

 

Chemistry

These things. Made by the devil. Seriously, he’s laughing somewhere.

 

 

  1. Every time you paint your nails, you will mess them up. It’s inevitable.

You’ll need to answer the door, remove one of your children from the top of the fridge, walk a dog, pick up a ticking bomb, or accidentally fall asleep on top of a very fuzzy blanket, which will get stuck on your nails and mess them up. Know this ahead of time. It’ll save a lot of yelling at inanimate objects.

 

  1. Did you just send an email? Guess what, you will now remember twenty different things you needed to tell this person in THAT email. Never fails. Especially if it has something to do with your job or the in-laws who hate your guts.

 

  1. Your hair looks fantabulous – beautifully, perfectly awesome. When you don’t have to go anywhere. And no one is going to see you that day. And you’re especially not photogenic that day so you can’t even keep proof.

(And the next day, when you have something to do around lots of people, your hair is going to look like crap. Lots of photos will be taken.)

 

stockvault-girl107771

Does your hair just POOF look this good? Too bad. No one is going to see it.

 

  1. You will never be able to get that glass jar open. Why? Because you need to hit the rim against something hard to loosen it and everyone in your house is sleeping. That’s why.

Go eat something else. Like crackers. Or something else that doesn’t sound good because you want what’s in that freaking jar.

 

  1. Children will ALWAYS put their shoes on the wrong feet when they’re just learning. I mean what are the odds of that? And yet, every time they shove on their shoes, voila, wrong feet. Every. Single. Time.

 

  1. Flat surface? People watching you? Are you holding onto something heavy and/or breakable? You’re going to trip. Over nothing. And everyone is going to see you. And you’re possibly going to smash open the container of chocolate and lose it to the pigeons.

Evil pigeons.

 

Will dive bomb from chocolate.

Will dive bomb f0r chocolate.

 

  1. Did you just rent a movie? Are you ten minutes from the end or really starting to get into it? On the edge of your seat, all excited to find out what happened? Yeah. Turn it off now and save yourself the trouble. Why? Because the disc is going to skip. And the movie rental place is closed. And its too far away anyway and you’re hungry and you can’t find your shoes.

 

Any to add? Any of these drive you insane?

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4 Comments

Filed under The Odd Bit

4 responses to “8 NonSensical Rules of the Universe that You Wish would Die

  1. Jae

    LOL, I giggled a lot through this. I don’t even bother painting my fingernails anymore because the polish lasts about 5 seconds before it’s half chipped off. I have even tried keeping my fingers out of any potential nail polish danger, and STILL.

    On the glass jar, I may have a solution for you. If you can jam something under the lid and pry just a little bit, you can break the seal and then opening is a cake walk. I can sometimes do it with a butter knife, depending on the jar. Often I use a manual can opener, the triangle bit, and pry the lid that way. You’re not prying it off, just breaking the seal. Best of luck. 😉

    • I only polish mine every once in a while because it only lasts like a day and then starts chipping. Ugh. So pointless!

      Good idea! I’ve never tried using a can opener. Genius. I’ll let you know if I accidentally cut a finger off.
      😀

  2. Can so relate to the good hair day when nobody sees me!

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