America Stones Women Too

Are you a victim?

Guess what: it’s your fault.


Sound familiar? It should. It’s a widely held belief running rampant throughout all of America. I can’t speak much for other countries since I’ve never travelled, but ironically, it was America’s response to news coming from Afghanistan of the stoning of adulterers becoming legalized that got my attention.

Whether or not it becomes legal isn’t the point. The point is – they stone their victims. If a woman is raped, they consider it the woman’s fault. And they stone her for adultery if she was married. If she wasn’t married, then she’s just shamed and will never be married but will be shunned and mistreated. Oh, and whipped 100 times.

No big deal.




Honestly, I couldn’t care less about race or nationality or even gender. We’re all human. Why isn’t that enough?


But America stones women too. They don’t literally stone them. They just label them criminal. Tell them it’s their fault. Use shame to keep them quiet, make them feel unimportant, useless, stupid, like it’s their own fault. As if this rape thing, this physical abuse thing, this forced whatever thing, it’s not only their own fault, it’s also something that happens all the time and they should get over it.

Besides – they’re lucky right? Lucky they’re not dead.

Right, because the fact that they didn’t die makes them lucky to be raped and/or abused.


Blaming the victim isn’t reserved to rape. It spans many criminal activities. And a lot of people accept that this is true. But guess what? A man gets raped, do you think he wants to go tell someone to take his statement – tell them exactly what the rapist did to him and/or forced him to do?

I don’t think so. But my ‘thinking so’ isn’t unproven. Its factual. Many victims feel too ashamed to go to the authorities. Or even tell anyone.

Being a victim doesn’t go away. It festers. It gets worse. It burrows into your subconscious and ruins you there too.


Yet we do nothing about it. We sweep it under the rug. We shy away from it. Don’t want to talk about it. It’s a sensitive subject. Better to let it go. Right?

Pretty sad if you ask me. We’re telling people 2 things which are very wrong, damaging, and damning for humanity in general.

ONE. If you are a victim, it’s your fault you were victimized. You did something wrong which caused you to be victimized. Don’t bother trying to get help. We’ll highlight and magnify your feelings of isolation and shame and use them to silence you. You are not worth helping. You’re not a real victim.

TWO. If you victimize someone, we aren’t going to do anything to you. They probably deserved it anyway.




The sad truth is, no one is doing much about this. Victims are shushed with shame and brushed under the rug. And everyone looks the other way, or helps this victim blaming society along.

A few years ago, it started surfacing that people were filming or standing around and watching people get beaten to death and raped. They did nothing. They watched.

Is this fun to you? Is it entertainment? Is the world so desensitized that it honestly doesn’t care about the victims? You know – other human beings.

The strong have the responsibility to keep those who are weaker safe when they’re given the choice between helping, hurting, or ignoring.


The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.
– Elie Wiesel


If a man stalks and rapes you – it is not your fault. Your beauty, the fact that you wear makeup and the fact that you do not walk around covered from head to toe, is not a reason for him to rape you. It is not an excuse. It is not okay.

If a woman murders your brother – it is neither your fault nor his. The fact that you disagreed with something this murderer believed, your refusal to play into her fantasy, your refusal to give this woman everything she threatened you for, it is not a reason for murder. It is not an excuse. It is not okay.

If you chose to ignore or blame a victim who is right in front of you, when you are capable of helping them – you are a victimizer.





Most people choose not to even voice their opinion on this subject. Why? Because they have to be afraid of people threatening to rape them and/or their loved ones. Some even have to worry about someone actually raping them. Because no one would murder over an opinion on women. Just rape them. You know, no big deal. Just shut them up.

There’s been an uproar of people coming out, speaking out and going against this lately and I love it. I wrote this post a year ago and figured I shouldn’t bother to post it, because honestly, I don’t want to deal with the nasty crap that it would spark. The people who know nothing but to threaten, bully and intimidate.

But read the article, On Rape and Repugnance by Brian Keene, it’s awesome. And more people are talking about this. It kind of restores my faith in people.


If you’re a victim, don’t hide, don’t feel ashamed. More people feel this way than you realize.

Just look at the #YesAllWomen tweets that popped up all of a sudden. Yeah, there’s issue over how it started and who came up with it. But if you knock it off with the whole, “look for any negative aspect you can-thing”, and LOOK AT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING, you’ll see it.

America (and this goes for other countries, I’m sure) stones women too.

And people are tired of it.

The only difference is, we don’t use physical stones. Instead, we used subtly.




So, to all you men and women who stand up for others, thank you. For those who don’t look the other way, thank you. For those who have the courage to help people instead of sweep their terror under the rug, thank you. Those in places of power who use their power to help those in need of it, thank you. For those who look at things in terms of human suffering instead of political votes and/or statistics, thank you. For those who don’t think “rape” is a funny word or the subject of a good joke, thank you. To all men and women who are not misogynists, thank you.


What do you think?



Filed under The Odd Bit

4 responses to “America Stones Women Too

  1. There are two things that frustrate me the most about this. (I just ran across this post of yours. I’m delayed).
    One: this one connects with abortion. “Abortion is wrong in all cases” Okay, what about if a woman is raped? “God meant for that to happen. Please keep the child.” Seriously? I can’t even begin an argument back to this statement without getting infuriated. How could someone say that? But, both of those subjects are very touchy, so I’ll leave it at the generals on that one.
    Two: if a woman is wearing Victoria’s Secret on the day she was raped, it will be used against her. Excuse me? I apologize that company is my favorite to purchase from; why would something like that even be considered with a crime like that? It’s disgusting.

    Rape is a very scary thing. Women fear it practically every day of their lives. If men are raped, society tends to laugh and say, “you can’t get raped. You’re a man. You enjoy it.” It’s very sad we don’t take this more seriously, and hold hands with the victim instead of pointing fingers.

    • Yeah, when the words ‘rape’ and ‘God meant for it it happen’ even enter into the same conversation, I get pissed and can’t even form words into sentences.

      Exactly!!! How is that okay to laugh at? Why are there even rape jokes in the first place? It makes me so damn mad – its nice to hear that it upsets other people too. 😉

  2. Jae

    Wrong is wrong no matter the excuse. I think most Americans find the idea of stoning someone to death for almost any reason repugnant. We have a few morons, but thankfully many morons less than other countries when it comes to this issue. I think the most important point you’ve hit is to not shame or blame the victims—no matter how they were dressed or what gender they are or whatever the reason.

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