SAMHAIN/HALLOWEEN: Confessions of a Homeless Zombie

I love this time of year. Halloween (Samhain) is my favorite holiday.

The colors.

The dark beauty.

The celebrations.  The fake blood, dogs and cats being dressed up and glaring at the camera while simultaneously trying to yank the costume off with their teeth,

The skulls, the graveyards, the crows, the dark landscapes, the creepy decorations, and all around focus on the darker side of things.

I absolutely love it!

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Last year I told you crazies how much I love Halloween – and confessed I’ll likely be trick or treating at age 90, zooming around and running people over with my scooter thingy.

Sooooo….we’re living in an itty bitty room and I can’t afford socks. Translation = No Halloween Costumes. But did that stop us?

Oooooh. No. You can bet your unborn first son that our no money having selves found a way to dress up and go trick or treating.

At the last minute – literally, it was 6:30pm when we decided what to dress up as – we threw together some semblance of costumes and drove to our old neighborhood.

 

Holly was a werewolf in human form, Dylan a pirate. Mum and I were homeless zombies. Yes, you read that correctly. We terrorized the neighbors.

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Fell on some dumpsters.

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Fell down entirely.

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Hugged some trees.

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And did community service (that pole was going to fall over. I saved it.).

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Once home, Lucky approved of our trick or treating endeavors.

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I fed Lucky his traditional Halloween lollipop.

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But don’t be fooled by the glamorous lives of us homeless zombies. I wash dishes, eat collar bones, and bleach my teeth. Even zombies have to walk their puppies.

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and yes, I am wearing socks and sandals. Bite me. It was late and I wanted to get back upstairs to eat.

HOW TO BE A HOMELESS ZOMBIE

All you need is:

  • An old pair of jeans.
  • Some tight/legging things. ‘Cuz its frickin’ cold out there.
  • A shirt from the dollar store.
  • A long sleeved shirt. Cold, remember?
  • A knife.
  • Some fake blood. I don’t recommend you use real blood – it gets all crusty. And people get their panties in a bunch over it. Sheesh.
  • Old pair of shoes you don’t mind walking around in and possibly tripping in and scuffing up.
  • And old pillow case.

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Use the knife (without cutting your fingers or other appendages off – or anyone else’s’ appendages) to rip the cheap shirt and old jeans. The pillow case is for candy.

Tada!

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WHY I DIDN’T HAVE TO DO MUCH TO BE A HOMELESS ZOMBIE:

  • I trip over flat surfaces often.
  • I’m sleep deprived, so I already look dead.
  • I’m considered homeless.
  • I trip over my own words.
  • I don’t eat at a table (I don’t even own a table!)
  • I’m a messy eater. Though its only when in public and there’s a lot of people around. How does everyone else eat a cheeseburger stacked high without getting it on their face? I mean seriously – come on!

 

I HAVE A COMPLAINT!

What is up with people closing up shop at like 9pm?! I remember trick or treating until 12 the next morning. Now they don’t start till 7pm and stop by 9pm. That’s just not right.

But whatever. I love Halloween.

 

CANDY VS. CHOCOLATE

I’m not big on candy. I LOVE chocolate. So I trade all my candies for chocolate. Except for these little blue tootsie rolls. I love those things.

Hopefully all you crazies had fun on Halloween. And didn’t kill someone. Or die. Or trip over the sidewalk and fall in bushes. (No I did not do that.)

What did you do for Halloween? Did you trick or treat? Hand out candy?

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5 Comments

November 4, 2013 · 6:03 pm

5 responses to “SAMHAIN/HALLOWEEN: Confessions of a Homeless Zombie

  1. Pingback: Year of the Cat | Life Is Color

  2. Jae

    I’m with you. Chocolate > candy. Always and forever.

  3. For Halloween I stayed at my sister’s and guarded her home from the neighborhood hooligans. Sad, but true. One year it was eggs and another two teens tried to steal her truck. I didn’t dress up but Buck and I felt like guard dogs. For the record, I make a fantastic zombie. My nieces run away screaming every time. Looks like you had fun. Lucky even nabbed some goodies. He really is lucky. 😉

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