We Are All Cracked

A water bearer carried 2 pots from the river to her master’s house every day.

One pot was perfect, carried its load easily and without issue.

The second pot wore a crack.

By the time the water bearer got to her master’s home, the first pot would be filled to the brim with water, just as when she filled it at the river. The second pot, however, would only be half full, having leaked water the whole walk home.

This second pot was ashamed of its imperfection. It often wondered, “why not replace me?” One day it asked, humiliated and feeling ever so lacking.

The water bearer smiled kindly, lovingly. She said, “As we walk home, watch the flowers on the side of the path.”

The pot, in it’s misery watched the flowers along the side of the path, glumly resigned to a life of being worthless. I’m sure the cracked pot wondered why watching flowers could help anything. Along the way, it noticed there were only flowers on it’s side of the path. The pot carried on her other side, which leaked nothing and boasted perfection, had no flowers to watch go by on it’s side of the path.

When the water bearer arrived at the master’s home, she told the cracked pot, “You see, I knew you had a crack. I planted seeds on your side of the path and you watered them each day. I then pluck the flowers and beautify the master’s home with them each week.”

 

 

God loves us, cracks and all.

I love this story.

 

We all leak. We all have weaknesses, all make mistakes.

We still bring beauty to the world around us if we try our hardest to do so.

 

I just recently had hallucinations, you guys! It was crazy. But I was aware that I was hallucinating so it wasn’t so frightening. I did have to call in sick from work the next day though. Which sucked. But it happens.

You see, I was given a certain pill and had a monumentally horrid reaction. Eventually, not getting enough sleep, (even for me, having insomnia on and off), I ended up hallucinating.

Ha! Crazy experience!

What I’m getting at here, is this…

 

…I have a lot of health issues. They caused me to have to quit my full time job of construction. I now work part time and am searching for other part time work.

At the moment I cannot even buy my own food or my baby’s food (my dog).

I have quite a many cracks and, like the pot, there is nothing I can do to sew them up, to quit leaking. I cannot change how I was born. I can work toward a healthier life, yes, but I cannot change my health. I cannot slough off the debilitating depression or anxiety or exhaustion that shuts down my ability to focus or think properly (due to CFS), I cannot do anything about any of my health issues – and get another full time job and go to work like a normal, healthy person with stability of body and mind.

 

 

Often times I have felt like the cracked pot, ashamed of my weaknesses and inability to function like a hard working member of society.

But I’m now certain, somewhere along the way, the leaking I’ve done has allowed something wonderful to grow.

In the past month, I’ve realized, I am hard working. I am working crazily hard. With my family, helping others, attending my callings in life, writing, working part time, and coping with my limitations as best I can.

What more can I ask of myself?

 

We are all imperfect. We all have issues.

This is, of course, is only one part of my life. But I’ve shared with you so you can see how I can focus easily on what I cannot do, and woe over my incapacitates to have a purpose.

Or I can realize that by leaking, I’m helping flowers grow.

I am helping with much else in my life and the lives around me.

I have purpose.

I am loved, regardless.

 

I am cracked. We are all cracked.

We are lovable, regardless.

 

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Filed under The Odd Bit

The Reason My Soul Stopped

I believe there comes a time to look objectively at my life and decide if there are any beliefs, behaviors, projects, relationships, dreams, and/or time spent in any other ways that are doing more harm than good, or simply need to be allowed to die a natural death.

 

 

I have spent 6 years on a story. One which has changed altogether 3 times. One which has brought me much joy and realization, illumination in my own life.

But this story is more closely tied to my uncertainty and shifting life purposes than I was aware. Blair does not know what her story is or how to arrange in her heart all the pieces of her puzzle.

This is because, I do not know these precise things.

I cannot yet tell you Blair’s story. To all those who have read one of her stories, I am ever grateful for your help in revealing a part of my soul to me. But I must admit, you have not met Blair in her fullness.

It is time Blair and I move on together, to further discover our own lives.

It’s time I begin anew.

I will always love Blair. I will tell her story at some future date.

But to do so today would be a sham, a disgrace, a lie.

And there is a difference between perseverance and sheer stubborn denial.

 

So, I must confess, I was wrong. I haven’t lost the urge to write. I’ve lost the desire to try to force something that isn’t ready.

But this is great freaking news!

I am moving on.

 

 

I find I am excited by this new, empty page.

There is a dragon unlike I’ve ever met meandering around in the back of my mind; napping, checking in on zombies, solving mysteries to keep herself from going mad, and eating a lot of peaches.

I’m interested in her, in this strange new feel she brings.

 

In conclusion, I’m eternally grateful that I have not been published.

I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know myself at all. Consequently, my stories were places where I could escape the nastiness of my life. I cram packed it when violence, anger, death, and not much else.

I can no longer be the writer I was before.

I’ve imbued myself with lessons learned and truths identified. I’m glad for these stories, critiques, experiences, and rejections. They give me traction to climb my life’s mountains and the cushion and helmet I will need when I trip, stumble, and almost fall off.

Because let’s be honest, soul eater or dragon, I’m a wobbly individual.

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Demons Within

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”

  • African Proverb

 

Do you know yourself?

Are you aware of yourself?

Do you know what you want, really? What you dream of, what you fear, what you desire, what you do not like…

Do you notice yourself?

Or do you go along with everyone and everything going on outside of you?

 

Know Thyself.

It’s the only way to find the truth of this proverb.

 

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Do You Forget?

 

Sometimes, we need the reminder.

 

“Beauty surrounds us.”

  • Rumi

 

Kareeva

Kareeva

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Some Things I Find Disgusting #2

Okay so rolling with things I find horrendous…

 

 

If you don’t have another food source, fine. But I feel the same about eating every species of animal – kill them quickly and painlessly! What is wrong with people??? How can a person call themselves human when they can torture another creature? How can a person be so heartless? What would it take for them to FEEL, to join the human race?

And pardon me, but you don’t have to be an “animal lover” to show respect for other living beings. You don’t have to LOVE dogs to care enough to not kick them. If you don’t like dogs, fine. Don’t like dogs. I don’t like monkeys. I still want them to be happy, healthy, and unharmed by humans’ cruelty and/or indifference.

 

Anywho, can I just say, this guy is amazing. I don’t know how he does it.

And honestly, how could someone eat a dog? I just couldn’t do it. They’re domesticated animals who exude loyalty and compassion. That’s more than I can say for a lot of people I’ve come across. Besides, a diet heavy on meat isn’t good for you.

 

 

Here, have some puppies howling. Because I need a break from that.

 

 

I’d love to hear what you think about all of this…

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Filed under Animals

Some Things I Find Disgusting #1

Hi there!

How are ya?

I don’t mean to rain on your happy parade, but one of the things in life I love, is happiness.

For people. And animals.

If you’ve been patient enough to stick around with me and my random babblings, you’ve probably picked up on how deeply I love animals. And how outraged I am that they are so routinely harmed for fun, out of indifference, to preserve traditions, or peer pressure.

The only way to fix our world is to first become aware of some uncomfortable truths.

 

Scooby-Doo teaches us this truth every episode: humans can be monsters.

We’re not going to touch on the “why” of this or the “how” or any of these other things.

Sometimes I simply want to foster awareness.

Awareness, a cold hard look at reality, is the only way we can jump to…

Acceptance, when we can still love life and accept at the same time, that there are horrendous things that also exist at the same time – is the only thing which can lead to…

Action. Nothing big. If you’re one of the amazing athletes who have recently spent thousands of dollars on helping animals or a You-tuber who spreads awareness in hopes of donations to help the animals in your area – I commend you. You have my awe and hope restored. But most times, us everyday people can do little things to help. That is what changes the world. The combination of all different kinds of people doing what they can, small or outlandishly huge.

Lift where you stand. That’s all any of us can do.

 

So here is one thing I’d like you to be aware of. Perhaps you can pass it on and help illuminate others.

Also, I promise there will be adorableness at the very end too!

Because happy animals is the whole point of spreading the awareness. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

This guy breaks down what the Running of the Bulls is. Once they get into the pin at the end of the run, he breaks down what ALL bull fights are.

If you don’t want to watch the video – which is graphic and you see animals bleeding and in pain – I’ll break it down pretty simply. In a bull fight, the bulls are stabbed repeatedly so that it will be hard for them to work the muscles in their back, hence making it hard to raise their heads. They are in shock, in extreme pain, their organs are stabbed and slowly shutting down, they’re losing lots of blood, and basically slowly dying while a man waves a red piece of cloth at them and stabs at them, and the crowd cheers.

This is a horrible piece of culture which is beloved to many people.

I don’t personally care what color you are, what your culture is, what personal choices you make. People are all people. We all matter. But so do animals. And anyone using the excuse of tradition, your behavior is disgusting to me.

These animals die alone and afraid, in intense pain and confused. Cheered at, jeered at.

 

So knock it off!

Do what you can to end this disgusting end to an animal’s life.

 

And now, moving on to the cuteness…

 

Here are two rescued bulls showing that they’re lovely little sweeties. Also, I know the last one isn’t a bull but that cow is just adorable. They really are souls. They feel and they love. They’re not here for us to torture. They’re here to live their lives alongside ours.

 

Now, I’m certain you’re wondering if I’m a vegetarian. I am not. I do eat meat. But I LOATHE the way our animals are kept, tortured, and finally killed. There is a better way to do this. There is a humane way to gain the food we need from living, breathing animals. They deserve a life, one free of misery and pain, before they feed our way of nutrition. And their deaths should be quick and painless.

I agree with this man:

(email for credit)

 

What do you think? Are you a vegetarian? Are you disgusted by the routine torture of animals, whether in a factor farm or in the suburbs?

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Filed under Animals

Double-Edged Flames

 

Art is,

Less a way for me to express

More of a life support

The only way

My heart keeps beating

 

But my fingers have stopped moving

The pen has run dry

The paper, mere ashes

Heart beats,

Sluggish

 

 

By Daphne Shadows

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Filed under Not that Kind of Poetry