The Rise

I’m tired of making sense. It’s like I’ve got to stretch to fit and it’s not working. Life doesn’t always make sense. Why should I bend over backwards, crane my neck, and break blood vessels in my eyes just to make it all appear flawless and put together? Nothing is perfect or flawless. I was right when I began; I can take all of this. Only, my definition of “this” has changed. I can take whatever I need to. And I realize what I need isn’t the world spinning. To let go is to cry from my lungs, to let my soul shiver in the darkness, the cold that seeped in. To let go is to warm with the silence seeping from inside me until I can feel it, wiping away the pain.

I said something on twitter the other day that didn’t make sense. I do that. I speak sometimes without understanding myself, where it came from, this nonsense. What I think is really happening is I’m escaping through fissures. I’m breaking and its saving my life.

“Something witty. Something lovely. Something inspiring. I don’t know. I know the silence hiding within, trying to pour out into my skin.”

“When the silence spills into my lungs, I think it’s time to hear it.”


Filed under Stream of Consciousness

No More Eye Jokes

Alrighty – strap yourselves in people because I love animals.

Dogs are THE BEST. I also adore kittens. Cats are cool and I LOVE to love them. I’m not big on having cats at home though, just because they’re not big lovers. At least, all the cats I’ve had weren’t lovey-dovey. At all. I wanted to love them! They just wanted me to feed them. *sobs*

ANYWHO – I love all animals. I think they deserve the absolute best this life has to offer. They’re sweet souls, so trusting (mainly dogs), and they love so purely. They’re goofy and fierce.


You know what I hate?

People who hurt animals. I know, I know, not very Christian of me, but I’m in therapy. Get over it.

But seriously. Animal abuse disgusts me. Enrages me. Outrages me. I sometimes cannot understand how human beings can be so cruel to animals. It makes me wish we could round them all up and do to them what they did to the animals.

Since that’s not legal and I’m about the size of a stuffed animal (a really small one), I’ll stick to what I can do.

Loving the animals I can help.

That means enlisting you.


You guys know me by now. I don’t do anything 100% happy, fluffy, sweet, and sugar coated.

The reality?

Animal abuse is disgusting and can be pretty graphic. I’ve started with the vet and nonprofit organization VetRanch, as they’re extremely upbeat, feature happy music, and only feature the animal once it’s made it safely to the vet. I’ll provide all their links at the end.

I believe, if these animals can suffer these traumas, then we can respect them enough to suffer through witnessing their pain. If we’re the type built for it. If you’re not, I’ve provided times to skip ahead to the happy parts. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you’re not the kind who can stomach it. Animal abuse is a terrible thing to witness. A disgusting act of humans. We’re not all built the same and some can’t handle even the thought of a sweet animal being hurt.

My family asked me how I can stand to watch these videos. I’m so easily attached to animals and animal abuse is a real issue with me. I cried like a baby and imagined terrible things when I had to take this sweet little puppy to the animal shelter last month. I was horrified. I cried so hard when one of my dogs died that I got a migraine which would only go away once I’d been adjusted because I’d thrown a bone in my neck out so far.

I cannot stress enough how much I love animals.

But the thing is, I am built with a certain darkness in me. I always take things to the most depraved, painful places. Probably my childhood but probably also simply part of who I am. I struggle with depression. I write urban fantasy and horror. The things in my head are pretty twisted. 😉 SO, I know there are dogs and cats and all types of fuzzy babies out there suffering horrible things. I know this. I hate it. It eats at me.

So watching these videos fills me with a hope I also cannot explain in words. It tells me that there are people out there searching for these animals, getting them safe, healthy, and loving them. It tells me they are not all alone. They are not destined to die in pain and frightened. There are beautiful people helping in every way they can, re-shaping these animals’ lives into something magnificent and loving.

Something painful and terrible is turned into a worthwhile and carefree life. I already know there is pain. These videos prove to me that there is also kindness, love, peace, hope, and a solid determination to change the world for every single animal there is.


I will tell you under each video if there’s going to be any surgery footage, at what time stamp, and where to skip. Or, if you simply want to see the end result of the now happy and healthy animal, I’ll give you that time stamp too.

Is it time stamp? That the right term? *shrug* I dunno.


And if you make it to the end – or if that’s all you want to see – at the very end I give you two animal videos that are stress alleviating. Just to wash your brain of all that animal cruelty and stuffing it full of adorableness. Not that there isn’t adorableness in the rescue videos. There is. Loads.


Let’s Change This Girl’s Fate

This video is of a dog with a totally messed up eye. The beginning shows her eye, so if you want to skip to where it looks relatively normal, skip to 1:24.

The end result of surgery, while he is stitching her up, begins at 1:55 and ends at 2:05.

If you want to skip to where she is happy and bouncing around like a crazy adorable dog should always be, skip ahead to 3:12.

Dr. Matt thanks some kids who wrote/drew in and sent some donations to VetRanch. So if you want to skip that part, it goes from 3:45 to 5:03. At which point you get to see a very happy dog once again.

If you watch to the end of this video, you will understand why this post is entitled ‘no more eye jokes’.



Tiny Kitten Barely Survives

Surgery footage starts at 1:55 and ends at 2:37.

If you want to skip through to how he ends up, skip to 9 minutes.



Hedgie the Hedgehog 

You see this little guy’s eye, which is all messed up at 1:33. If you don’t want to see it, go ahead and skip ahead to 2:23.

If you want to skip to healthy cuteness, go to 3:36.



Those fuzzy little guys and gals went through so freaking much! So not fair. But they got rescued, all fixed up, and are now loved and happy.

So, if you made it through all of that, I figured maybe you’d want to see a few videos of JUST the cuteness that happy, healthy, safe, and loved animals have to offer.


I give to you an adorable baby bat eating watermelon and an equally adorable husky wearing boots…



You guys still with me?



Feel so much better.

All fuzzies in this post are happy and healthy and soaking in love.

So. The point of this post was in the hopes to raise awareness of how many suffering animals are out there and to inspire you to help animals in need, to volunteer at local shelters, and/or to donate money to VetRanch. Or even to simply watch the videos, like, and/or subscribe to the channels. It helps!

Go love your dog or cat or whatever you have.

I’m going to go pet my dog.


Vet Ranch Youtube Channel 

Vet Ranch Website 

Vet Ranch Facebook

Vet Ranch Twitter

These doctors seem to genuinely love these animals and strive to give them a great quality of life. If you’d like to donate, it doesn’t need to be anything big. Every $5 makes a big difference. Once I have a job again, it’s definitely one of the places I’ll donate money.

I hope you guys and your animals are doing fabulously! Me and Lucky are doing great.


Filed under Animals

Ring Around the Rosy Meaning

When I was a munchkin, I’d often sing this song:


Ring around the rosy,

Pocketful of posy,

Ashes, ashes,

We all fall down!


We’d dance in a circle and fall down at the end, smiling and laughing, then get back up and do it all over again.



A popular theory of the origins connects this nursery rhyme with the Bubonic Plague.

People reason thusly:

When you have the bubonic plague, red circular rashes form on the body, connected to “ring around the rosy”.

A “posy” is a bouquet or small handful of flowers. People would often stuff their pockets full of herbs, in hopes that they wouldn’t catch the bubonic plague.

“Ashes to ashes” is representation of cremating all the dead plague victims’ bodies.

Obviously, the whole world seemed to be falling down at the time. Everyone everywhere was dying!


In reality, the rhyme has nothing to do with the plague.

The bubonic plague struck in the 1340s. This rhyme is first recorded in writing in 1881. Folklorists have a hard time believing it survived orally this long before anyone decided it was cool enough to write down anywhere, ever.


So what on earth does it mean?

Who knows.

My best guess?

Someone has a pocket of flowers.

Ashes to ashes is a popular phrase, “ashes to ashes, dust to dust”, touching on how when we die we end up as dust, eventually. I have no idea if that’s what it means, but it’s the first thing that comes to my mind. Then again, I do write fantasy and horror and my mind instantly goes to fear, love, or food… so….that could simply be me.

If not, what are the ashes talking about? Ashes only come once something or someone has been burned. Ashes of your dead loved one? Ashes of your burned down home? Any way you throw this one, it doesn’t seem all that perky.

“We all fall down” gets me. We’d go from dancing merrily in a circle to falling down. Is this a comment on how no matter how beautiful life is, we all die? Or regardless of how positive a life we live, we’ll all fall down at some point – the otherwise positive feel of the rhyme edging us on to get back up and start dancing again?

As for ringing around a rosy – you got me there.



Honestly, I’ve never really thought about it before.

I thought the bubonic plague theory was kinda cool, as it was spooky.

Once I found out it wasn’t connected to the plague, I never thought to try to piece the rhyme to anything sensical.

Personally, I like the metaphorical meaning that we should move through life with happiness stashed in our pockets, and though terrible things happen and mistakes are made, get back up and keep on singing and dancing through our life, as best we can.



What does this rhyme mean to you?


Sources: and


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Name that Disney Movie!

Okay, crazies. These are some quotes from Disney movies.

The original ones that I watched when I was a munchkin. There won’t be any new ones in this post.

The other day I suddenly just wanted to watch a bunch of Disney movies. I have no clue why. I’m pretty random. One day I want to watch Mama, the next I want to watch Mulan. Anywho…

Can you tell me which movie each one is from? And… can you tell me which character from the movie each is from? I even gave you two freebies with the photos.

No cheating.

Okay ready?




“Wait a minute. I’m the leader, I say when it’s the end.”

Hint: Not a human.



“Are you sure this water’s sanitary?

It looks questionable to me!”

Hint: It’s not a human speaking.



“I’m tired, and I’m hungry. And my tail’s froze. And my nose is froze. And my ears are froze. And my toes are froze.”

Hint: Not a human.



“Look at this, I’m so ticked off that I’m molting!”

Hint: Not a human this time either.




“Don’t take gravity too lightly or it’ll catch up with you.”

Hint: It IS a human this time. Well, a human that also happens to be somewhat magical. Okay, very magical.



“It’s ’cause I’m white, isn’t it?

No. Larry’s white, so what?

Larry’s not white. Larry’s clear.”

Hint: Two human beings talking to one another.



“Whoa – is my hair out?”

Hint: Also a non-human, human.



“Would you like to stay for dinner?

Would you like to stay forever?”

Hint: There are two people talking and *don’t fall over* they’re both human.



“Ladies don’t start fights, but they can finish them!”

Hint: Back to not being human.



“Put me down! Put me down!

No, pick me up, pick me up, pick me up!”

Hint: A human!



“Aren’t you… a damsel in distress?

 I’m a damsel, I’m in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day.”

Hint: One human, one not human-human.



“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”

Hint: Human. 🙂




“I’m hungry, Mother. I’m hungry.

Now _______, you’ve just had your dinner.

But I am, just the same. I’m so hungry I could eat a a whole elephant.”

Hint: Not a human. Two individuals are talking to each other.



“Did you order the Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?”

Hint: Let’s end this with, not a human.


Tell me your guesses in the comment section!

What’s your favorite Disney movie from when you were a kid?

Right now, I like Mulan, and Aladdin.

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Loving and Letting Go

The WordPress prompt for today is “lovingly”. (I’ve never tried a daily prompt before, so I checked their page out.)


The first thing that I thought of was a baby lizard I found when I was a munchkin. I carried the lizard around for hours until my grandmother convinced me to let it go back where I found it.

I wanted to take care of it. I wanted to keep the lizard safe and happy.

“If you love it,” she said, “let it go”.

It’s funny to me that my child brain understood that.

How did I understand that?

There was so much pain and fear going on in my life as a child – but I understood love.

I wanted that little lizard to be happy, so I put it back on the fence where I found it, hoping it made it back to its family and lived happily and safely.

I was a little sad to let it go, but I was confident that it would be better off in its lizard world, not my human one.




This prompt brought a few animal memories back to me.

I never realized how much I wanted a baby animal to keep and play mom to. I was always dreaming of finding a bird egg and keeping it, hatching it, and raising the little bird in its own little habitat I’d create for him/her.

I never wanted to be a mom to an actual human baby. As a child, I wanted a fluffy little bird, duck, lizard, owl, kitten, or something wild that I’d find outside and keep. I had this overwhelming urge to find and protect every little animal I came into contact with.

Of course, if you take me to a shelter now, I have the same reaction. Maybe a bit more psycho. I want to take all the dogs home!!!


I find it interesting that my small, child self understood love on such a pure level. I remember the feeling it evoked. Love was something beautiful and perfect. It was a balm, a safety that couldn’t be contested. And I always equivocated it with animals.


(wrote this sometime early February)

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There is no middle ground when handling live fire.



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Long Time Coming

This is going to be my 7th Rara #Somethingist post. (to understand what this challenge is, check this post out and join in!)

Something Displaced.

To displace can mean to move something from its usual place. To shift or to re-position.

Today, I cut my hair!


The last time I did anything with my hair was 8 years ago. That? Me keeping bangs for about a year before growing them out. Before that? I haven’t done anything with my hair since I was 9 years old.

So I cut it all off today.


It feels immensely symbolic.

I’ve cut off the unhealthy parts of me. I’m changing.

I have changed!

The all amazing gal who cut my hair said that typically when a woman drastically changes her hair, there’s a motivating change in her life that’s behind it.

No different for me.

She also said that women’s hair is important. It’s an important part of us, our identity. Attached to how we feel about ourselves.

She proves my point exactly.

I haven’t cared about myself or so much as given myself a first thought (throw the second thought out the window) in I can’t even remember how long.


No more of that.

I feel great!

I feel like I’ve chopped off all that I’ve allowed to hold me down, hold me back.

I can do something for me and enjoy it. I’m allowed to care about me.

Cutting my hair off equates to freeing myself.


My hair was so unhealthy!

Its so thin because of how stressed out I am. Anxiety. Depression. Gut disease. Sleep problems. Pain that I’ve hidden or run from, pretended wasn’t there. Smiled to cater to others.

No more.

I’ve worked on this for a year now and I feel I’ve dug a good staircase out of this pit.

So, I’m breathing.

I’m going to act like I exist.

Taking vitamins (biotin in particular, as the hair goddess who styled my hair suggested) and paying attention to my needs.


I believe we look at change as a bad thing, always.

Sometimes, I think a little displacement is exactly what we need.

What do you think?

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows

Daphne Shadows


Filed under The Odd Bit