I have lost my passion.
I’m empty, hollow, meaningless.
There is no more fire inside me. I’m fresh out.
The only passions left stirring inside me are fear, anger, and hate. And I feel those toward myself. Like I said, I’m a mess.
My blog’s purpose is to reflect me. On the right sidebar, it literally says: “what inspires and/or ignites raw emotion within me will find its way here.”
Problem on aisle Daphne.
With no passion, comes no identity. Comes no idea who the hell I am at all. What do I want? What do I need? What do I feel?
I’ve got no clue.
My health is failing and I’m just shoving my emotions farther and farther away. I’m going nowhere.
It’s only logical that I’m finding it hard to figure out what to blog on. Nothing inspires me anymore. It’s been building and building, this void eating me from the inside out. Worse yet, I’m the one fueling it. And here I am. Empty.
All I have left inside me is the truth, even as I try to ignore it away. The truth that though I didn’t cause it, I’m now doing this to myself. I’m keeping myself in this cycle.
Because it’s all I’ve ever known. And I’m not paying attention. That’s my thing. Ignoring that I exist.
I’m ready for some change. Some internal change. Time to scrape open my walls and peek inside my chest. See what I can find.
As far as blogging goes, all I have to give are pieces and parts of honesty. While I figure out how to wake up, how to breathe.
I’ve avoided my blog reflecting all of me. I’ve kept mostly to the surface stuff. Interests. Things I like, that I can research, explore. But I can’t find these things any longer. I’m exhausted, deflated.
Time to dig deeper, whether I want to or not. There’s a lot more to me.
This isn’t a full disclosure. I’m not promising a baring of my soul. This isn’t confession, this is my blog. And why not see if a little honesty out loud can help me out? Maybe someone might even get inspired. (either that or someone ought to be sitting at their desk going, “whew, I’m glad I’m not that deranged)
It’s a peek into the Shadows, I’m offering.
I’m choosing not to bury all the painful parts or the darkness, any longer.
So strap in kiddos.
You’re in for a bumpy ride. There are no helmets, there is no map. I just passed ‘start’ and I’m already lost in the forest.
I’m clearing out the cobwebs, searching for the skeletons, and hoping I find some really creepy cool antiques in the way back.
Things are about to get strange.
Have you ever lost your passion? What did you do to get it back?