Ever have those days?
Where nothing is working the way it should, everything annoying that could possible happen, does. Every possible daunting and depressing thing is magnetized to you? Bad news keeps on coming. You’re stuck in the same bad situation with no light at the end of the tunnel visible?
Feel trapped, alone, and miserable. Everyone else is having a great day, making positive comments and moving forward to achieving their goals and desires?
Today is that day for me.
I struggle with depression and I have these days occasionally. The ones where everything has gone to hell in a hand basket an hour after I’m awake, even if it’s only the small, subtle things.
I’ve made it a habit to try and ignore it, distract myself, and keep to myself. Keep the problems internalized and act happy, push myself to smile when interacting with others.
While positive distractions are good – the rest isn’t. I’m not the kind to open up, not the kind to share the bad with others. So if I HAVE to for one reason or another, I put a humorous spin on it, make light of it, and belittle myself.
While it’s good to make light of bad situations, sometimes you NEED to get the bad out. You need to unload on someone, vent all the bad. Because if you don’t, how can you let it go and move forward? You just can’t.
I’ve done this since I was a child. Plaster a smile on my face and act like there’s not a thing wrong in the world for me. I internalize E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. And it’s hard for me to admit this, even using a keyboard. Its one thing to accept it for myself and maybe even around my family. But to others, especially when I respect them? I just don’t do it. This is a first.
And it’s bad for my health. It piles up and builds until I have one of these days. Depressed. Angry and sad, ready to scream and cry, hating that I’m so weak emotionally.
So to everyone who has a problem letting things go – get it out. Just let it out, tell someone. Or it’ll only get worse. Don’t keep it all bottled up, like I’ve done. Trust me, it’s a stupid idea and it’s no way to cope with what you feel.
You are who you are – and without the good, bad, indifferent, and all degrees in between, you’re not 100% yourself. People can handle your worst day, trust me. If they’re worthy of your attention they will and they’ll understand that you’re not a depressing person, you just have your days like everyone else. And you deserve understanding of this.
There’s this totally cliche quote going around the internet right now. Something along the lines of, if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. I agree.
On days like these, I like to distract myself. After I’ve gotten my issues out. And something else – don’t regret getting it all out once you have. Don’t feel foolish or stupid. You feel how you feel.
(Give me 5 minutes after I put this post up and I’ll be regretting the entire thing, feeling stupid and embarrassed, worrying people will think I’m depressing or overdramatic or trying to get attention. But you have got to let it go. People will hate. Don’t let them matter to you.)
On days like this, I give myself permission to do absolutely nothing productive and just mess around. I like to read tweets of all the people I respect and have come to value. I like to read blogs, check the emails from people who are positive and real.
Because one thing that will kill you on days like this, is someone fake. You can take real, good or bad. But fake? It kills.
I listen to music. I love YouTube. I love my iPod. And all the friends who tweet and recommend via email (or whatever) new music. I tend to go towards the strange and the slow when I’m stuck in a funk and then work up to happy, motivational songs. As you already know, I listen to a lot of random music. But when I’m in a low mood, you can multiply “random songs” by like 1million. And I don’t care who they’re by – I listen to the song for the music and disregard the artist if I don’t particularly like them or something they’ve done.
I read. There’s nothing that can compete with losing myself in a good book for me. It takes me away, lets me stop worrying about my issues for a little while.
And I love to work on my writing. Right now I’m critiquing my second rough draft and I can’t wait to get to it after I post this. Writing makes me happy, its therapy for me regardless of what has happened or why I’m upset.
Regardless of how crappy things are going for you, regardless of how you feel right now, and how bad your day has been – tomorrow is a new day. Slate wiped clean. For now, find something that makes you smile. Get it out of your system and just smile.
What do you do on days like this to cheer yourself up? Are there specific songs you like listening to?
Here are the first 7 songs I listened to today. (#s 5 and 7 not for immature audiences – so no one can yell at me, I so don’t need it today. )
#1 Walking on Air – Kerli
#2 Bullet Train – Stephen Swartz ft. Joni Fatora
#3 Do Your Thing – Basement Jaxx
#4 Radioactive – Imagine Dragons
#5 Overdue – ZZ Ward
#6 One More Night – Maroon 5
#7 Thrift Shop (Clean Radio Edit) – Macklemore
“like yo, that’s $50 for a t-shirt”