8 NonSensical Rules of the Universe that You Wish would Die

Ever heard of Murphy’s Law?

We all have little things that happen continuously that drive us nuts. For instance, when they run out of donuts right when you get to the shop. This is madness! Got all dressed and conscious real early like and you don’t have any freaking donuts for me!

You get the idea.

 

  1. You will never, ever be able to fill up the little dropper out of those dropper bottle thingies. Never, I tell you!

Why on earth do they make them the size they do if it’s never going to get filled up. I mean, do you remember getting so frazzled as a child because you couldn’t understand why they made all the empty space without letting you fill it up? You might as well give me a pool and tell me I can only fill it halfway. And yet I just keep trying to fill it.

Bloody hell it’s like trying to fit a circle peg in a square hole! Blarg!

 

Chemistry

These things. Made by the devil. Seriously, he’s laughing somewhere.

 

 

  1. Every time you paint your nails, you will mess them up. It’s inevitable.

You’ll need to answer the door, remove one of your children from the top of the fridge, walk a dog, pick up a ticking bomb, or accidentally fall asleep on top of a very fuzzy blanket, which will get stuck on your nails and mess them up. Know this ahead of time. It’ll save a lot of yelling at inanimate objects.

 

  1. Did you just send an email? Guess what, you will now remember twenty different things you needed to tell this person in THAT email. Never fails. Especially if it has something to do with your job or the in-laws who hate your guts.

 

  1. Your hair looks fantabulous – beautifully, perfectly awesome. When you don’t have to go anywhere. And no one is going to see you that day. And you’re especially not photogenic that day so you can’t even keep proof.

(And the next day, when you have something to do around lots of people, your hair is going to look like crap. Lots of photos will be taken.)

 

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Does your hair just POOF look this good? Too bad. No one is going to see it.

 

  1. You will never be able to get that glass jar open. Why? Because you need to hit the rim against something hard to loosen it and everyone in your house is sleeping. That’s why.

Go eat something else. Like crackers. Or something else that doesn’t sound good because you want what’s in that freaking jar.

 

  1. Children will ALWAYS put their shoes on the wrong feet when they’re just learning. I mean what are the odds of that? And yet, every time they shove on their shoes, voila, wrong feet. Every. Single. Time.

 

  1. Flat surface? People watching you? Are you holding onto something heavy and/or breakable? You’re going to trip. Over nothing. And everyone is going to see you. And you’re possibly going to smash open the container of chocolate and lose it to the pigeons.

Evil pigeons.

 

Will dive bomb from chocolate.

Will dive bomb f0r chocolate.

 

  1. Did you just rent a movie? Are you ten minutes from the end or really starting to get into it? On the edge of your seat, all excited to find out what happened? Yeah. Turn it off now and save yourself the trouble. Why? Because the disc is going to skip. And the movie rental place is closed. And its too far away anyway and you’re hungry and you can’t find your shoes.

 

Any to add? Any of these drive you insane?

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What is Samhain?

If you’ve been following the mad splatterings of my brain for a year or longer, you’ve probably heard me refer to Halloween as Samhain. Which probably makes no sense, right? Let me clear this up right quick before we get down to the weirdness of birds on fire, snakes eating themselves and other stuff.

 

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What is Samhain?

Samhain is an ancient Celtic festival surrounded by a lot of myth, lore and differing opinions. It’s where Halloween came from.

 

It’s pronounced:

“sow-in” in Irish

“sav-en” in Scottish

“sow-een” in Welsh

 

Samhain takes place on October 30th, 31st, and November 1st.

It’s the Celtic New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. It’s both the end and the beginning of their calendar year.

I’ll go into more small details about Samhain in future posts but for now this is my point. Halloween/Samhain is the end and beginning.

Which is really vague and yet specific and leaves room for all sorts of creepy things.

Which is awesome.

 

The End and the Beginning

The concept of the end and the beginning, the alpha and omega, the circle of life, etc. is everywhere. I mean all you have to do is pop in The Lion King to realize this.

But what does it mean? And what does it have to do with Halloween?

According to some, the Celts considered the year split into two seasons. Summer and Winter. They considered Samhain the end of the summer and the beginning of winter.

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The death of warmth and the rebirth of the cold. It was the time they harvested for the final time that year. It was also the first fire festival of the new year. This time was also heavily seeped in the one subject no one ever escapes: death.

Samhain was a time to celebrate death and renewal. This time stood still between the world of the living and the dead. As they danced around the bonfire, they celebrated life but also acknowledged that they too would die. A time to honor the dead and the light that burned through the night.

Nowadays (and as a symbol), Samhain also focuses on needing to let go of things and begin the new. It’s a time to end negative relationships, addictions or anything else holding you back from moving forward. Start planning for something new (planting seeds). This death is necessary for change.

 

Change

Change is good. It is needed. Sometimes it really sucks but if we never move forward, well to be a bit redundant here, you’re just standing still.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some things shouldn’t change. You do not change yourself and or things or situations simply for the sake of change.

But when you’re holding onto something that you shouldn’t, something that’s hurting you, something that, regardless of how tightly you hold on to – you need to let go. And part of you knows this. Don’t let denial keep you in the same place. Let go. Let it die so that you can move forward and allow yourself to be reborn and live.

 

Symbols

A lot of Celtic knotwork shows this belief in change and the constant of death and rebirth.

But Celts aren’t the only peoples or symbols that tie in with the “end and beginning” symbolism. There are actually quite a few mythological creatures that share the same meaning, from countries all over the world.  There are literally tons.

For brevity’s sake, I’m going to pick three symbols to expound upon. Because, you know, I don’t want to be chained to my laptop for months straight, k? Okay.

  • Ouroboros
  • Phoenix
  • Celtic Knots

 

So, tune into my brand of crazy in the coming weeks for more info on these symbols. And you know, more random Halloween and Samhain facts and opinions.

Because October.

 

Halloween Home

AcrylicArtist

Plus, you know, Halloween is just pure awesomeness. Check out that uber decorated house. Need I repeat that I love Halloween?

 

Do you enjoy Halloween? Why?

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If You Could Ask ANY Question (and Have You Seen the Oreo Unicorn)?

So, I’m supposed to do a blog post this week but I feel like I got ran over by the SnowBallDownHillofDoom-Fairy.

 

I’m at a loss.

As far as writing goes, I’m working on a new story idea, fleshing out the characters, setting, creatures and plot, while waiting for critique partners and beta readers to get back to me on Blair’s story.

 

But here I sit, uninspired on what to write a blog post on.

So I have two questions for you, oh awesome people who read my inner musings and obsessions.

 

My Oreo from the other day. it's a skull.

My Oreo from the other day. it’s a skull.

 

QUESTION ONE

Oreos.

I love them. In milk. I really love to drop a few Oreos in milk and just leave them there for ten minutes or longer before scooping them out with a spoon.

Awesomeness.

But yeah – question.

Did you know there were EIGHT different flavors of Oreos?

I had no idea! I’ve been living in an Oreo ignorant state.

There are, and I’m quoting the Oreo website:

  1. Cookie dough
  2. Chocolate
  3. Berry
  4. Uh-oh
  5. Lemon
  6. Mint
  7. Peanut butter
  8. Regular

Apparently, at one point there was also strawberry cream, banana split, and watermelon. They also do seasonal flavors.

 

Halloween themed Oreos are the coolest!

Halloween themed Oreos are the coolest!

 

Have you eaten any of these? Do you want to? Do you even like Oreos?

I think I’d try all of them EXCEPT for the watermelon and lemon. That just sounds nasty to me.

Up until now, I’ve only eaten double stuffed. Because – amazing.

 

QUESTION TWO

If you could ask a published author anything, what would it be? About them, their favorite genres, about their book, about how they write, etc?

I’m going to do a couple guest posts on here pretty soon – probably one a month. Tell me, when you read guest posts, what do you wish they would have been asked?

Anything?

 

Okay, I’m going to go make easy dinner now. I think. Hopefully. Probably not. There is no such thing as “easy”.

Ugh.

*falls over*

;D

 

Pumpkin. Mwahahahahaha!

Pumpkin. Mwahahahahaha!

 

OH! I almost forgot! So, twitter did what twitter will do and I got in an awesome conversation the other day, regarding the best kind of unicorn there is.

Apparently, on crap days, this unicorn brings you Oreo’s and milk. He still hasn’t shown up at my place. I’m thinking about sueing.

Have you been visited by the Oreo Unicorn?

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On Genre Fiction being the Scum of the Literary World

Why do you read books?

I mean seriously. Why bother? Its paper, ink and made up people and places and mostly none of it is true.

 

So WHY

Do You

READ BOOKS.

 

Stories. People like stories. They’re fun. They’re an escape. They teach us something, even if we don’t consciously realize it. Stories help you understand yourself better, as you decide what you think and feel because of everything you just read. Or you have parents that beat you and stories give you a place to live that’s safe from your reality. Or you simply have your head in the clouds and love the adrenaline rush of being someone else inside your head.

 

What KIND

Of Books

Do You Read.

 

Anything? Everything? A specific genre? A few different genres?

I know you’re supposed to have read books in school, mostly literary novels. You most likely hated them, hated having to read them. I know you’ve probably read the dictionary, at least one word on one page, if you’re my generation. Younger and you might have simply googled what the word meant, but hey – it’s still a dictionary. I know you’ve read fluff pieces on or in a magazine whether it’s on the internet or in the grocery store line that never ends. I know you’ve probably read your children’s crazy words if you have kids. I know you’ve read your own inner monologue if you keep a journal.

The list goes on.

 

What Type

Of Books

Are All of Those.

 

Literary, nonfiction, cozies, informational, fictitious, stream of consciousness.

Is one of those BETTER than the other? Did any of them AFFECT you more? Did you end up LOVING one of those and now you search out that kind of writing, essays and books everywhere you go? When you’re in the store for diapers or canned soup, do you check the book racks to see if there’s anything good? Do you wander around the used bookstore? Wonder if your sister, children, mom or best friend read, and if so, what?

 

Which

Books

MATTER.

 

All of them.

End of story.

But because this is real life and real people are contradictory, let me explain.

 

Apparently

I Write the

Scum of the Earth

Why? Because I don’t write non-fiction or literary novels. I write fiction. Fantasy, horror, paranormal. Dear cookies in heaven, I’m the devil!

 

There’s this

Theory

 

It’s an opinion really.

That all genre fiction (for example, what I write and romance, adventure, etc) is scum. It is pointless. Shouldn’t be read. There are snobs who turn their noses up at it and declare the writer of such garbage a freeloading brat who needs to get a real job, while the literary author gets to work and does something real, something important.

 

WHY?

the-reader

 

I have no idea. Maybe it’s one of those things where young people turn their noses up at old people, saying they’re better. And old people look down on young people, saying they’re ignorant idiots with easy lives. People apparently aren’t happy with themselves and need a “reason” to put others down, elevating themselves. In their head only, that is.

Regardless of where I go, all I hear about is people deciding they’re better than other people.

When really, we’re all just opinionated. We have opinions. We have likes.

I like books.

Do I care what kind of books you read?

NO! No a million times over. As long as you enjoy books, I’m a happy camper. And if you don’t like books, well that sucks and you’re missing out but hey, that’s you and I’m me.

 

See How that Works?

 

Honestly, I’d like for people to get over their selfish snobbery and pull their heads out of where the sun don’t shine.

 

GET OVER YOURSELVES.

Everyone.

Right now.

 

I like what I like. You like what you like. The garbage man down the street likes what he likes. The kindergarten teacher, too.

 

Does that make me stupid?

 

No.

Does that make the literary writer stupid? The suspense novelist stupid?

NO!

 

Writing a book

IS HARD!!!

 

I cannot stress this enough. I don’t care if you’re writing for professors, chemical engineers, third graders or the mom who has five minute breaks every couple of hours. WRITING THE FREAKING BOOK TAKES WORK. Hard work. Hours every day, just like a “real” job.

 

Genre Fiction

Is NOT

Scum

Literary Fiction

Is NOT

Snobbery

 

One bad apple does NOT ruin the whole bunch.

So knock it off.

I should be able to take a creative writing course in college and not have a professor look down on me, belittle my work and call it scum because the monsters aren’t 100% human.

But I can’t, now can I?

Because apparently, genre fiction is the scum of the literary world.

Now how

DUMB

does that sound?

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Masks

I love this poem:

Masks by Shel Silverstein

She had blue skin,

And so did he.

He kept it hid

And so did she.

They searched for blue

Their whole life through,

Then passed right by –

And never knew.

 

Be who you are.

Because if you hide well enough behind a mask, you may walk right past someone who is ideal for you. Whether as a friend, helper or lover, it doesn’t matter.

You will never meet them or know them, feel accepted by them or loved by them if they do not know who you are.

You’ll never have what you truly crave because you were not yourself. Instead, hiding behind a mask of lies and partial truths. Don’t hide. Don’t fear who you are.

 

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Be who you are.

The only other option is to be someone else.

What is the point of you living if you’re going to be like another already here?

We are all the same and yet we are all so different.

Don’t hide your differences. They make you, you.

The vulnerabilities, the mistakes, the genetics controlling so much of you, the choices you can control and make, the choices you cannot make, how you react to those things out of your control.

Who you are is made up of not only every breath, but also of every thought and action. Every small comment and blush. Every yelled word of anger. Every slap, every hurt. Every smile. Every reason behind that smile.

 

“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves.” – Francois De La Rochefoucauld

 

Be who you are.

Or you may end up hating yourself. And as a byproduct, everyone else.

 

Everyone wears masks, that’s true.  But don’t let that mask block who you are from yourself or those around you.

There’s darkness inside all of us. But without dark there would be no light. Don’t hide it. Without one part of you, the rest of you would cease to exist.

Be careful that your mask does not keep you from living the life you want.

 

“We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.” –Andre Berthiaume

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Why Writers are Masochists (and “I Wanna Get Better”)

So this is draft number eighty thousand and one and one half (draft number six in reality) of my novel and IT IS FINALLY READY FOR CRITIQUES.

Funny thing is, for this story – Blair’s story, the only drafts I should have written were numbers 5 and 6. Drafts 1 – 4 were all different stories.

BUT – with the help of ever-awesome critique partner and all around amazing dude (you know who you are), I FINALLY figured out what my issue was.

This also helped me figured something else out.

My writing process.

Took me long enough.

 

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And for all of you who keep asking me what my bloody book is about, here’s a blurb. Not “the” blurb, but “a” blurb.

 

Human or Hidden

Blair is free.

She wakes up in a forest, no idea how she got there, covered in blood and wearing broken chains.

But before she can enjoy her well earned freedom, she triggers a Merge of Realities, causing a cataclysmic series of events.

In the city of Zerzura, California, cut off from the rest of the world, Blair must fight down an ancient demonic presence (drawn by the Merge), escape the creatures trying to drag her back to slavery, decide if those drawn to her are allies or pawns, avoid the Blood-witches driven mad by the crashing Realities and rise above her own fatal doubts.

Mainly, is her freedom worth the ruin of the world?

(Horror/Fantasy/Paranormal)

 

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I will probably change this a million times – it started out twice as long with two questions in it – but a friend (you also know who you are) made a few suggestions and light bulbs attacked my head.

I wrote this up yesterday afternoon just to give critiquing peoples an idea of what Blair’s story is about. I know that the second to last sentence is like the LONGEST SENTENCE OF ALL LONG SENTENCES and I might need to change it. I’m kind of torn though because if you look at the back of a book, there are sentences this long. I dunno.

But like I said, I just threw it together. If you have any suggestions, go ahead and comment. If it doesn’t make sense, please let me know.

 

But anywho – I love the craziness surrounding critiques.

Being a writer, you’re supposed to have thick skin. But at the same time you’re supposed to be sensitive enough to write characters with real emotions and doubts. You have to be a rhino but empathize at the same time.

In the past, I haven’t had good experiences with critique partners. By bad experience, I mean, they didn’t critique my work, they told me that I was an idiot and should fly to New York and get to know literary agents and work on getting published their way.

Not helpful.

JOY OF ALL JOYS (not being sarcastic this time), I’ve had a new critique partner for more than a year now that is PURE AWESOME.

However, every author will tell you that you need a variety of opinions.

 

Smiley_green_alien_knockout.svg

 

The thing about critiques, for me, is that I want the truth.

And it’s not that the honest truth is going to hurt my feelings.

It’s that it’s going to make me feel stupid.

And I know it.

I’m going to read their critiques and feel like an uber idiot loser who can’t write for crap. I’ll want to dig a whole, crawl into it with a chocolate bar and die (after I eat the chocolate bar).

But then I’ll be okay and get uber excited over fixing my manuscript.

 

95px-Smiley_green_alien_unhappy.svg

*determined*

 

So – see? We writers are masochistic.

We rip out a piece of our soul, hand it over to strangers and ask them to rip it further to shreds. Then we take it back and agonize over it for a while. Then we get determined and want to make our story better.

It’s a never ending circle of eek!

 

But anywho of who’s, have a song. Amazing critique partner dude found this and tweeted it to me.

By the way, I love saying that. Tweet, tweeted, tweeting. lol

Okay, back on track. Love this song!

 

Are you a masochistic writer? Do you like critiques? Do you like this song? Do you have a bar of chocolate I could have?

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Filed under Creative Writing, Personal

My Issue with some Romance Novels

I’m not too sure I can clarify this because it’s steeped in emotional response and growling noises. And maybe some duct tape because I overdid it with the knife.
Just kidding.

Why am I not big on novels that are mainly romance novels?
In a short, one sentence answer: Due to the way women are treated by men.
It makes me want to stab things. Preferably male things.

 

I'm female, I'm an idiot!

I’m female, I’m an idiot!

In much longer than one sentence, this is why I do not like most romance novels (keep in mind that there are romance novels I like. I think):

I don’t find a man bullying his way into a woman’s life because he decides she needs his help as “romantic”.
And then they magically fall in love even though he’s treating her like a uselss child that can’t fight, defend, or think for itself. And I say ‘it’ because apparently she’s not a human being with human rights, thoughts or justifiable emotional responses.
But hey, he is so hot that her knees buckle, she melts, she gets instantly turned on to the extreme level of all levels – every single time that she sees/glances at/think about him, so that’s really all that matters. Clear indicator that they’re meant for one another. That and the fact that she can’t think straight when she’s in his presence.

 

Such a healthy relationship, totally based on mutual respect. Because real love equals submissive woman being bullied by a caveman with good looks, who knows how to handle every situation, takes command of everything and never had an emotional crack or vulnerability in his life. And if he does now, it’s all her fault and it’s definitely a bad thing.

 

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Emotions = bad, weak.
Women = too emotional. 
Everything they say can be written down to stupid female hormones. She doesn’t actually mean it. And if she does, she doesn’t know any better because she’s a silly emotional female.

 

And do you notice that most novels where the female main character is both strong and feminine – not losing the fact that she is a woman while still being intelligent and/or sturdy – are written by men? Women: what’s up with you? Why are you keeping this unrealistic and abusive crap up in your novels? Even the title reflects the woman as the object and the man the main character of the relationship.

 

Women are paraded out as strong and tough yet on the inside they are frightened and weak. And the man is strong, commanding, and an emotional bulldozer who never falters. So he discovers her vulnerability and has to protect her. Because she’s incapable of doing so herself on any level.

 

Man – uber strong, knows what’s going on, level headed, judgment not clouded by emotions, makes all decisions because he is wise and knows everything. Including what her decisions should be.

Woman – an idiot. Can’t make decisions. Needs to stay out of the bad guy situations because she doesn’t have male anatomy. Clearly this means she’s incapable of taking care of herself in any way.

 

heart box

And I can’t stand how the man makes a big deal in some explosive scene, going on about how the woman is helpless and an idiot who can’t make decisions for herself. And even though it makes her angry – they never talk about this. And the chick subtly ignores and then becomes okay with this. WHAT?! Three pages ago she was fuming and rightly so, thinking straight and seeing it for the misogynistic crap it is. Next she’s all gooey and he’s saving her and she loves him. 
Or – and this one really doesn’t make sense – after the explosive caveman scene of her helpless, him protector/taking all your rights as a human being away, she saves the day and they still go along with the ideal that he’s the strong one. And she is not.
*stabbity stab stab stab*

 

This is all I see when I read a romance novel. I don’t want to only see this. I really would like to find romance novels that don’t spread this bad relationship brainwashing. I go into it thinking it sounds good and I might like this one. But nope. Still the same thing. 
And just so you know, I only pick up romances when they include a plot other than the romance. You know, like some mysterious illness making resident were-creatures freak out and kill random people and the main peeps must find out what’s wrong and fix it. So I am not setting myself up for failure by reading a straight romance. But still – I end up grrrrr!

 

I think the only romance I read that didn’t have this misogynistic undertone (or explosive in your face misogyny) was a young adult novel by Melissa Marr that I read like seven years ago. Major props to this chick.

And to prove that I’m not only seeing what I want to see – I did read a paranormal romance recently that I liked. The female was weak and helpless. The male was strong and in the know on almost every subject. The few pages of the whole “male, lots of sex = awesome / female, sex at all, =whore she better not have” issue showed up because the novel was set in the past but I ignored it. Because it was the time period and they didn’t bring it up more than once. I liked the book, I still have it. And it was very romancey.

stockvault-pearl-heart117351

I find that most people don’t agree with my assessment of romance novels. Most chicks I ask love them.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s the whole “ignore the small issues even though they are subtly brainwashing everyone into thinking it is right and should not be protested” thing. Because I’m just over reacting. The men should always protect women by taking away their choices and deciding for them that they are weak and need protecting. A.k.a. bullying.
Hand me that knife please.

 

As a side note, I am not against romance. At all. Or love or being vulnerable, sweet, mushy or emotional. I’m just against it being treated as if its weakness or inferior.

But that’s the beauty of stories – they’re extremely subjective. What I cannot stand, someone else may love. And there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why they make vanilla and chocolate ice cream. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.
But you were asking, so there’s my reason. ;)

*stabity stab*

 

Do you like romance novels? Does this issue bother you or is it pretty shrug worthy to you? Is there something else that bothers you or that you particularly love about romance novels?
Any book recommendations where women aren’t treated this way?

Don’t believe I’m being fair toward male/female roles and the way society treats it? Read this.

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